The Pinko Left Joke Thread

[90Blue_XJ]

Alfred and Betty were sitting in an Old Persons Home when Alfred says to Betty "I'm leaving you for Mable."
Betty, upset, asks "why?"
"Because" says Alfred "Mable holds my willy all night"
"But I hold your willy all night" says a confused Betty
"Yes but Mable has parkinsons"

 

[90Blue_XJ]

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What
is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a
headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of
the month.'"

 

[Darky]

And I served honorably in the frickin' Marine Corps for 6 years, so what

Your joke still implies that individuals that weren't born here aren't real Americans, and that's still bullshit. I served with plenty of Marines that only had a Green Card, and received their citizenship while serving their adopted country. THEY are the epitome of what it means to be American. Your joke does not.

I think you're taking the joke a little harshly...I suppose I oughta leave my jokes out, they are definitely racist...against myself?!

 

[Darky]

My take on the joke was that anyone who still identified themselves as an ethnic minority were the ones who are too lazy to work. Those who consider themselves "American" are at work.

But then I have not served in any military branch, so I am unqualified to tell or understand jokes in this thread. Fortunately the left is here to tell me what to think.

You slacker, you make me sick!!!!!!!!!!11!

 

[Darky]

Yeah Tim, I didn't even realize I was replying to year and half old posts until the end of page 2!

 

[Bent]

OK, back on topic.


A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama Fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny says,'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher says,'Why aren't you an Obama fan?

Johnny says,'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered,'Well, my mom's a Republican and my dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks,'If your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replies,'That would make me an Obama fan.'

 

[wolfpackjeeper]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle'. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there in the first place.'

 

[Darky]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle'. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there in the first place.'

That's great! :roflmao:

 

[Bent]

This is a re-post but it somewhat belongs here.



A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled and reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing" she asked. "They're mating", he replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," he answered. She asked, "That's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No", he replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped the two spiders flat. "Well, that might be okay in California, Oregon and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that sh!t in Texas!
:nono:

 

[tbburg]

Eight years old and counting, but I still laugh:

Bill and Hillary are driving through the old neighborhood in Arkansas and pass a gas station. Bill looks at the gas station attendant and recognizes him. He turns to his wife and says, Hillary, didn't you used to date that guy?"
Hillary looks out the window for a second and says,"Yes, I did. It was pretty serious".
Bill laughs and says, "Imagine where you'd be if you'd married him!"
Hillary looks off into the distance and says,"I'd be married to the President of the United States."

 

[ZomBrady]

I think you're taking the joke a little harshly...I suppose I oughta leave my jokes out, they are definitely racist...against myself?!

Leave me alone, it was a long time ago and I had my head up my ass. . . . :rattle:

 

[FlexdXJ]

You know, I was enjoying this read until I got to this post.

I think it's rather stupid and bigoted. It implies that anyone with an ethnic background or born out side of the U.S. isn't American. . . . That's bullshit. Try thinking before you type something next time.

You want some wah burgers with those french cries. We are just enjoying some friendly shenanigans, so shut the fuck up and quit crying

 

[FlexdXJ]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."[/FONT]

Nice! thats funny shit!

 

[TRNDRVR]

OK, back on topic.


A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama Fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny says,'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher says,'Why aren't you an Obama fan?

Johnny says,'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered,'Well, my mom's a Republican and my dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks,'If your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replies, 'Well they are, that's why I'm a Republican.'

:gag:

 

[wolfpackjeeper]

^that was the laziest "fix" i have ever seen^


and if you really believe in your sig you need to read up on some of his plans

 

[ZomBrady]

You want some wah burgers with those french cries. We are just enjoying some friendly shenanigans, so shut the fuck up and quit crying

You're hurting my feelings! I'm gonna complain to the BOD if you don't stop! :rattle:

 

[Kittrell]

You're hurting my feelings! I'm gonna complain to the BOD if you don't stop! :rattle:

The BOD doesn't care.....................

 

[Darky]

Leave me alone, it was a long time ago and I had my head up my ass. . . . :rattle:

The second part I noticed first, the first part I noticed second...

 

[Bent]

Back on topic, again.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some Sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Liberal, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically,
thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Liberal from the bear's grasp. Then, using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it into the bed of their truck while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and liberal environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, 'Who was that guy?' 'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.' Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure don't know anything about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts to get another one?

 

[Nuke Proof]

Back on topic, again.

Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts to get another one?

That is the funniest joke I have ever heard.

here's a repost of one from earlier;

One day a Texas Rancher very proudly helped his daugther move out of the house and go to college. After four years of attending UC Berkley, she returned to the ranch with her parents. One night at dinner, the father asked his daughter what she learned at college and she responded, "Well I am very proud to tell you that I am now a staunch democrat!" She went on to exclaim how her professors showed her the light about equal opportunity, medicare and immigration and how the rich should be taxed and the money should be distributed to the less fortunate. She talked for several minutes on how hard she studied and the good grades she got.

The father then asked her how her roommate, Julie did. The daughter replied that Julie barely passed with C's and partied all the time while she stayedd at the dorm and studied. The father smiled and told the daughter that she was pretty selfish. When the daughter questioned why, he told her, "Well didn't you get a 4.0 GPA and Julie get a 2.0GPA?" "Well yes." "Well then you should go to the dean and request that 1 point of your GPA be taken away and given to Julie so you will both have a 3.0" he replied.

Now very upset, the daughter questioned, "Why in the hell would I do that? I worked day and night for my grades, while Julie partied and had fun for four years. It is not fair that what I worked for be taken away and given to someone who is lazy!"

The father smiled and said, "Welcome back to the Republican party."