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Telling Your Girl How You Feel...about her...

C

Cherokeekid88

NAXJA Forum User
Location
North Carolina
I love my girl to death, I do. We have been together for over 5 years. Here recently though, it seems she has stopped caring about herself. I try to talk to her about it, but all that happens is, she comes right back at me with something that I do or don't do and she gets mad....I tell her in the nicest most mature way that I can, but she just cannot take criticism very well. I have to dress up for work everyday and even on my days off or at night, I like to always look good and smell good. I know that there is a certain level of comfort that happens between a couple, but I still feel like she can still try. All of our friends that are married or are a part of a couple, there girlfriends are all losing alot of weight and working out and stuff and eating right and I just don't see why she can't jump onboard. I already know that she loves the way she feels when she gets compliments on her weight and stuff and I know that it makes her feel good to look in the mirror and like what she sees....so my question is for you guys or girls...How can I tell her to where she will hear what I am saying and not think I am a jerk for saying anything?
 
You can't be a psychologist and a boyfriend at the same time.

You can try to be both but you'll just end up burned out and end up resenting her more than you love(d) her.
 
I know the answer to that first question always! But no I have just noticed that she has not really been taking care of herself lately. Honestly, its a turn off for me and she wonders why I am not AS affectionate towards her and I told her that for me, When you take care of yourself and really put pride into what you wear and how you look...that is what turns me on and makes me what to be more affectionate. She took that as an insult and was mad at me for a little bit....we have ALOT of fun together, we really do and I love hanging out with her, but sometimes its like she is stuck in some child like world where she has not matured yet and I don't know how to tell her in a way that wont upset her.
 
Ralph said:
Is something else bothering her? Is she undergoing stress from somewhere else besides you griping about how fat she is?
Click to expand...

I mean, Im sure work is stressing her out, but I also get stressed out from work, but to me..working out and doing active things, helps release that stress. And I never told her she was fat, because she isn't be any means...just want her to want more from herself.
 
I don't get it.

As long as she's healthy, who cares.

To some people, going out and doing things is a great stress reliever, to others moping around on the couch is.

Sounds like you're starting to think the grass is greener...either that or you two just aren't compatible.
 
MoparManiac said:
I don't get it.

As long as she's healthy, who cares.

To some people, going out and doing things is a great stress reliever, to others moping around on the couch is.

Sounds like you're starting to think the grass is greener...either that or you two just aren't compatible.
Click to expand...

well last time that I checked...eating alot of unhealthy foods makes you unhealthy. You are taking it the wrong way. If your wife started acting crazy for no reason, just irritable all the time and crazy mood swings....something is wrong right?

I am just trying to figure out what is going on with her...but I can't get inside her head unless she lets me and everytime I bring it up, she says I am not going about it the right way...I am simply trying to find a nice way to tell her what I am seeing. She tells me when I start to act like my dad and I am glad that she does it because, I don't want to be like my dad (in that way), so I correct myself...this is all I am trying to do.
 
Women outnumber men in the US 51% to 49%, might not seem like much but that is significant.

Since you are not married, no (?) kids and probably not financially tied, you only have emotional capital. Move on. She is not going to change and when she does she'll kick you to the curb. I have seen it plenty, wives that let themselves go, husband leaves them and the next thing you know she is at weight watchers, curves and Jenny Craig, fixing her hair, whitening her teeth and dressing to the nines all the time.

Plenty of fish in the ocean.
 
Boatwrench said:
Women outnumber men in the US 51% to 49%, might not seem like much but that is significant.

Since you are not married, no (?) kids and probably not financially tied, you only have emotional capital. Move on. She is not going to change and when she does she'll kick you to the curb. I have seen it plenty, wives that let themselves go, husband leaves them and the next thing you know she is at weight watchers, curves and Jenny Craig, fixing her hair, whitening her teeth and dressing to the nines all the time.

Plenty of fish in the ocean.
Click to expand...

You hit the nail on the head.
 
You're confusing lust with love.

People change. 5 years is a long time. She's not going to be the same person she was when you met her for the rest of her life.

If you can't make it past her physical appearance and feel the need to call her fat and tell her to get to the gym like all of her friends (no matter how you sugar coat it) then you need to move on.

You're clearly not as emotionally invested as you'd like to think. There is a whole lot more to a relationship than the size of your girlfriend's dress. If you're not willing to listen to her talk about the things she doesn't like about you, why does she have to listen to the things you don't like about her?
 
Boatwrench said:
Women outnumber men in the US 51% to 49%, might not seem like much but that is significant.

Since you are not married, no (?) kids and probably not financially tied, you only have emotional capital. Move on. She is not going to change and when she does she'll kick you to the curb. I have seen it plenty, wives that let themselves go, husband leaves them and the next thing you know she is at weight watchers, curves and Jenny Craig, fixing her hair, whitening her teeth and dressing to the nines all the time.

Plenty of fish in the ocean.
Click to expand...

This!
17 years of marriage experience. Find someone else and save yourself a decade of your life and a truckload of money and heartache.
Your other option is to learn to accept your girl for who she is and enjoy your fun with her. If she can cook, you are golden. We are all gonna get old and ugly, but a man still has to eat!
 
Last edited:
Hell, my wife has put on 40 lbs since we started dating and she looks better now than she did. Granted, she was under weight to begin with.

Be blunt. Tell her how ya feel. She'll be pissed. She'll get over it. Life goes on. Stay with her or find another one. The End.
 
You guys are missing the obvious ...she's preggo.
 
karstic said:
You guys are missing the obvious ...she's preggo.
Click to expand...

Moody, short tempered, eating differently, not caring as much about things that she previously did.

We may have a winner here...

If that's not the case, then perhaps the ball is in your court to give her a reason to want to get all dolled up and take care of herself.

Have you tried a fancy dinner or something else to spice things up somewhat?
 
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