Well, I don't know about you guys, but, as usual, we got it good in Texas. Read on ...
After a protracted and failed battle with North Dallas zoning commissioners a new Wal-Mart that sells women has just opened in Frisco, TX, where a man may go to purchase a woman. Among the instructions at the department entrance, is a description of how the process works.
There are 6 floors to choose from. The attributes of the women increase as the shopper enters a higher floor. There is, however, a catch ... as you open the door to any floor you may choose any woman from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, after waiting a few weeks until the mad rush at the new location subsides, a typical man goes into the Wal-Mart to find a wife, one-night stand, hoochie momma, mother figure, biker chick, girl next door, love slave, beer wench, maid and cook, he's not really sure. But he's ready to begin evaluating his options.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These women have jobs, take home more than $85K a year with full benefits and tuition reimbursement. Very nice, he thinks, but of course, man does not live by credit card alone.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These women have great jobs and love classic cars and classic rock. “Now we're getting some where,” he murmurs, “a woman that makes money and has her spending priorities in line with mine. Good taste in music, too? Excellent, but heck, why stop here, the instructions say it gets better with each higher floor and this woman only costs $4500. I ain't stoppin' here!”
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These women have great jobs, like to rock, and are extremely good looking. "I can see it now," he thinks to himself, "this smoking hot babe sittin' next to me in that '67 GT 350. She gets out to check the engine when we stop for gas, sportin' those Daisy Duke cut offs! Wal-Mart ROCKS! I wonder what’s on the next floor?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These women have great jobs, love kids or can do without them, are
drop-dead good looking and love doing housework.
"Well, this whole kid thing is very nice. I am a little worried about who's going to do the lawn when I'm too old and tired. Maybe I do need to get some help around the place before it all goes to pot."
Not ready to commit, he goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These women have great jobs, are kid friendly, are drop-dead gorgeous, have their own toolbelt, and strongly believe they were put in this earth to satisfy a man's sexual appetite.
Now, in today's world that's undeniably a great package, difficult to find at any price. “This package seems to have it all,” he says in a calm voice. “Kids or no kids, the house and lawn are good and I swear this whole love slave thing is a must.” Obviously, this man isn't unreasonable, and apparently the price is affordable. He is tempted to enter, but curiosity gets the best of him once again and he off to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor and we have only been open for 6 weeks. Demand for the perfect woman has been tremendous; however, we have scoured the world over and can find no suppliers of a better woman than what you have already rejected.
But, in keeping with Wal-Mart's customer-centric, low-price leader business model, please complete this form detailing what kind of woman you want. As impressive as these women are to most men, we understand that these existing versions we have in stock now, although intelligent enough to excel in various career fields and earn almost as much as their male counterparts, are yet incapable of comprehending touchbacks, infield fly rules and the new two-line pass. We understand that without the potential to understand sporting games in fine detail, any woman is inherently flawed, prohibiting life-long use.
Now, with the data you provide, Wal-Mart will now have the power to renegotiate its contract with God to provide the best possible woman at the best price. She may be assembled in China from parts sourced in various third-world countries, but she will be the best woman at the cheapest price. You have our word on that.
Thank you for shopping for a woman at Wal-Mart.
