Funny court answers

[magimerlin]

So my Father emailed these to me and I got a good laugh so i thought that I would pass them on to y'all.

[FONT=&quot]Humorous Moments in the Courtroom[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the job of staying straight faced
while these exchanges were actually taking place. [/FONT]


[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan! [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]____________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]____________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]___________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]__________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: Did you… actually…. pass the bar exam?
__________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]__________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: You are $hittin’ me, right?
_________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes sir.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]____________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.
______________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________ [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________ [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the best for last: [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law[/FONT]

 

[rguignard]

i think i might know some of them both the attorney and the witness. lol my son and i were at the nhra car race when it was in houston my son went up to one of the drivers and asked for a autograph he asked what my sons name was my son says RC and he says how do you spell that and every one laughs and he turns red it was great