Rules of Texas

[Ralph]

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.


2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." We drive a
pickup truck because we want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They
Smell like money to us. Get over it. Don 't like it? I-20 and I-10 go
East and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.


4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.


6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.


8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.


10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.


11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce! ! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio .... And real chili never met a tomato!


12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
It spooks the fish.


15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.


16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so " Don 't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get your ass kicked by the best.


17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:

"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States
Can't make it without Texas !"

 

[mdl]

Texas sounds scary. :shiver:

 

[Glenn B]

I am not so sure on point #16... my memory is not as good as it used to be, and I am not up on the current stats... but IIRC, Georgia has ya beat on that one?

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.


2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." We drive a
pickup truck because we want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They
Smell like money to us. Get over it. Don 't like it? I-20 and I-10 go
East and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.


4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.


6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.


8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.


10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.


11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce! ! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio .... And real chili never met a tomato!


12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
It spooks the fish.


15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.


16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so " Don 't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get your ass kicked by the best.


17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:

"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States
Can't make it without Texas !"

 

[Ralph]

Texas sounds scary. :shiver:

Yeah, you'd better stay in Massachusetts.

 

[XJ Wagon]

God Bless Texas!

 

[azdesertrhino]

Glad to see you easterners being so proud of your state. atriot:

God Bless Texas!!

 

[Beej]

Interesting, I got this one in an email about 5 years ago, but back then it was called "Rules of Saskatchewan" and all the entries were geared towards it...

 

[BSD]

Fixed it.

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. We have enough people looking like idiots already.


2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." We cant afford to pave them.


3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They
Smell like sweet monkey love to us. Get over it.


4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. That is more than we paid for our double wide.


5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Ask our sheep how "friendly" we are.


6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. We went to the Dick CHeney school of shooting.


7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop. The same place we get our crawfish


8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. Very close to our annual day of mourning when the Sooners come to town.


9. We open doors for women. Because we have so few women.


13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. However, we still scuk at it...see above for Sooners.

COuld go on, but why?

 

[Ralph]

Uh oh, looks like another jealous Okie.

It's so easy to push their buttons.

 

[Lawn Cher']

Interesting, I got this one in an email about 5 years ago, but back then it was called "Rules of Saskatchewan" and all the entries were geared towards it...

I'd like to read that one, eh?

 

[atx xj]

God Bless Texas!

AMEN!

oh yea, an addition: rule number 18 - in texas, you have the right to own a firearm. if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you.

 

[GSequoia]

Interesting, I got this one in an email about 5 years ago, but back then it was called "Rules of Saskatchewan" and all the entries were geared towards it...

Where the men are hairy and the woman hairier?

 

[TRNDRVR]

I'm glad we have Texas. You know, shit rolls down hill, so its got to go somewhere.

 

[Beej]

I'd like to read that one, eh?

I found it...


Rules for entering Saskatchewan - apply to everyone

1. Pull your damned droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? #1 and #16 go east and west, #6 and #2 go north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks is coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat Beef and bison. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Barbeque Sauce.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be black, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. Curling and hockey is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try our U of Sask. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

 

[Ralph]

I found it...


Rules for entering Saskatchewan - apply to everyone

1. Pull your damned droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? #1 and #16 go east and west, #6 and #2 go north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks is coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat Beef and bison. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Barbeque Sauce.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be black, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. Curling and hockey is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try our U of Sask. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

Damn Canadians, they stole our rules.

 

[Lawn Cher']

Beej, that wasn't nearly as funny as Bob and Doug MacKenzie told me it would be. Save the beer, eh?

 

[Rocketman]

Take off hoser!!!

Why do Canuck couples do it doggie style???













So they can both watch the Hockey Game!!!!