Idiot Watch Thread

[XJ Dreamin']

I've seen plenty of examples of user and member encounters with idiots. How many times have you had an encounter and wanted to tell someone, but it wasn't worth starting a new thread?

The examples below were sent to my wife. I can't verify them. Probably, they've all been on Snopes.com for a while, but reading them made me think, "Why not an idiots thread?" If you bump into an idiot and just have to vent, feel free to add on here.

Again, these are not mine, but they serve as examples of what I'm looking for:

Example of: IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road.

The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

_________________________________________________
Example of: IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local TacoBell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg.

He was a Chef?

_______________________________________
Example of: IDIOT SIGHTING

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked !

"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

____________________________________________
Example of: IDIOT SIGHTING

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to
cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

___________________________________________________


No fair using this post as an idiot sighting!

If you think this is gay then nominate it here.

If you are not allowed to go here, then pay up!

 

[POSXJGuy]

there are idiots all around us. i live across the street from one. this one couple has a few cats and should only have one as to what the landlord said to us. they let their cats crap all over the place. im fed up.

they even come in my garage and hang out when i have the door lifted for a bit.

the other day the man of that house was in front being confronted by the landlord and he said "i only have one cat, i swear" ... right then and there two of the cats, none of which he said he had jumped in the window to see what was happening outside.

what a jackass. people like that should just be kicked.

 

[OT]

I hate that.
People without cats, that feed stray cats, HAVE CATS!

 

[BigG]

A Logo for this thread?

http://hammeroftruth.com/2006/07/24/brutally-honest-free-speech/

 

[87manche]

I hate that.
People without cats, that feed stray cats, HAVE CATS!

x eleventy billion.
there's a guy down the street from me that has to have a dozen cats that hang out down there. They're all flea infested, Rocky confronted one in our yard and ended up with fleas on the spot.
I'm going to take up the pellet gun method of keeping them away. We've all called the health department, this guy was raising chickens in the house and didn't have running water.
The holes in the eaves allowed cats to climb out onto the roof.

 

[Menzenski]

People without cats, that feed stray cats, HAVE CATS!

On a similar note, self-proclaimed 'non-smokers' who smoke cigarettes regularly ARE SMOKERS! I have a co-worker like that; she drives me crazy.

 

[87manche]

On a similar note, self-proclaimed 'non-smokers' who smoke cigarettes regularly ARE SMOKERS! I have a co-worker like that; she drives me crazy.

she's not a smoker if she doesn't buy cigarettes :sure:

 

[FattyPatty]

I was driving down I43 on my to Milwaukee about a month ago. There is a newer Civic in front of me that keeps slowing down for no reason (no brake lights) and her reverse lights keep coming on. Were going normal highway speeds and her friggen reverse lights keep comin on. So I pull up next to her, and she is driving a manual, yankin on the stick like she needs to keep shiftin. She was really givin' her. Lookin for 6th gear I think. I could hear that trans screamin. She was talkin away on the phone. I almost pissed myself.

 

[Sniggs]

I actually had a girl ask me how they grow such straight trees in such a straight line to make telephone poles...

 

[OT]

I actually had a girl ask me how they grow such straight trees in such a straight line to make telephone poles...

How do they?

 

[shortxjdoug]

ok i'll play.......

one time a girl asked me "do deers have ears" to which i casually responded " no, you know how dolphins use their own radar called echolocation to find food, thats what deer use too" she answered me with a very reassured "ohhhh i see" the deafening laughter of everyone listening tipped her off to my little joke tho she also asked me what drywall was and what lukewarm meant all in the same day

 

[XJ Dreamin']

she's not a smoker if she doesn't buy cigarettes :sure:

She's a moocher. I was a moocher for most of my college years. Finally, I felt guilty enough to buy my own. That's when I became addicted :thumbup:

 

[XJ Dreamin']

I'll barrow one from my truck drivers thread.

I was rolling down a little boulevard along side the local mall. It's two lanes each way separated by median islands: grassy sections surrounded by curb with cut-throughs for access to the mall. One access opened to the J.C. Penney loading docks. As I rolled onto the scene I could see that in trying to back up to the loading docks, the driver of an 18-wheeler had backed the right side of his tractor onto the curb around one of the median islands. The trailer at that point was jack-knifed 90* and as the right side tires climbed the curb, the hitch plate levered the left side right up off of the pavement, stranding the truck.

I immediately realized that that truck was not going anywhere soon and pulled into the mall parking lot through another access. I continued on parallel to the boulevard alongside the loading docks. As I passed the truck, I saw the driver cramming a piece of the curb (that had been knocked loose by the truck) under one of the left side tires. I can only assume that he hoped to gain traction against that chunk of concrete. I didn't stick around to see how far that wheel chucked that chunk of concrete when that idiot opened the throttle.

 

[XJ Dreamin']

ok i'll play.......

one time a girl asked me "do deers have ears" to which i casually responded " no, you know how dolphins use their own radar called echolocation to find food, thats what deer use too" she answered me with a very reassured "ohhhh i see" the deafening laughter of everyone listening tipped her off to my little joke tho she also asked me what drywall was and what lukewarm meant all in the same day

A girl once asked me to explain evolution. After two hours of going over it again and again, her eyes suddenly went wide in astonishment. "You mean it's all just chance?" That was two hours wasted.

 

[Lawless]

Here's a good one...........I'll title it " do stupid people realize they're stupid?"

Was watching a movie years age with the in-laws. It was some movie that had a scene with a car driving through a desert, probably AZ or NV. The state that has acres of windmills out there to generate power.

I see this and look to my mother in law with a straight face and say.........................

Wow, Vegas sure is a rich city.............look at all the big fans they put up to keep the city cooler. She says.........oh I alwaws wondered what those were for.

The father in law just rolled his eye's cause' he knows just how stupid she really is.

 

[OT]

Hilarity.

 

[LBEXJ]

A few years ago, part of my responsibility at work was to give Customer Service ship dates on orders. One day, one of the Reps came to me with a rediculous requested ship date to which I responded "Sure ... Erin, go get my Magic Wand". Erin was the girl I had entering orders for me.

The Sales Rep and I continued by looking at the schedule. We worked out the best date I thought we could achieve. A little later, Erin came back and said, "Les ... I've looked all over your office and never did find your Magic Wand".

Les

 

[8Mud]

Narrow street with houses on one side and garages on the other. I pull up in front of GrandMa's house, unload the wheelchair and load GrandMa up and try to get her up the steps in front of the house. I noticed the guy across the street getting, what for, from his wife. All of a sudden he comes running across the street and says you are blocking our garage, I say, I'm sorry, didn't know you were planning to leave, he says I'm not, but I may soon.
I say, I'll tell you what, yell at me a little, then go back across the street and tell your wife that you told me off and I'll be leaving in a minute. He yells a little, waves his hands in the air and runs back to his wife.
After getting GrandMa into the house, I'm on the way out and he comes running back across the street and says, "my wife says, I should teach you a lesson for not moving fast enough". I finally loose my patience and tell him, his best course of action is to run across the street and punch his wife in the mouth, because if he doesn't get the hell out of my face, that's what I'm gonna do to him.
Next day I drive up and he is standing nose to nose with GrandMa (84 years old with bad hips) and blowing spit in her face. I was just getting parked, fixing to knock him on his ass, when my daughter exits the passengers door like a guided missle and knocks this guy 10 feet sideways, with one of the best blocks I've seen this side of the NFL. How do you feel about getting your bell rung by a girl .
Round two, the word is out this guys son is gonna jump my daughter, my son hears this and a slow grin spreads across his face. My youngest daughter can generally take care of herself, if not, her boyfriend is connected, my son is a twenty year old construction worker and the other sister is a Cop.
I guess idiots are useful to help fight boredom and good for an occaisonal chuckle, but things get real crazy, real fast.

 

[Rev Den]

A little later, Erin came back and said, "Les ... I've looked all over your office and never did find your Magic Wand".

Les

That 'cause she was looking in your office...are you sure her name wasn't Insomnia?



Rev

 

[OT]

My nomination:
http://www.naxja.org/forum/showthread.php?t=84097