I read over as many articles, forums, opinions and facts as I could find, and here's where I plan to go with my 2001. Maybe it will give you ideas.
Lift:
RE 4.5 (some say a bit high for a DD)
Drivetrain
4.56 gears (some say a bit tall for a DD)
Tom Woods SYE and CV shaft
Rear Locker
Rear Disk Brake Conversion
Tires
32" tires on 15 X 8 Wheels
Shocks
Old Man Emu
and Old Man Emu Steering Stablizer
Skids
Rock Rails, Front, T-Case, Gas Tank
Recovery
Front tow hooks
Rear Class III hitch
Later down the road as budget allows
Aftermarket Front Bumper with Winch
Aftermarket Rear Bumper with Tire Carrier
I've got most of the lift and tires and SYE ready to order, but the Jeep won't see even a dirt road until the skids, rails and recovery stuff is also done.
If you want, PM me and I can send you pictures in a month while it's a work in progess.
As far as the taller gears, I've read all the arguements back and forth. I drive a short commute at mostly low speed every day (12 miles round trip). I may take one long (2000 mile) round trip every other year. And the popular weekend camping + wheeling spots are within 150 mile round trip. I'd rather have the XJ running 4.56 at 32" and be punchy but 2.8K (or so) RPM at 70 than anemic and 2.1 RPM K at 70.
If you lifted that high on a DD and ran that big a tire, you'd get into a much larger budget than I have, and maybe you're ready to build up axels and stuff now.
Plus, much of what I've read says you should try to lift and trim and bumpstop the vehicle to run as much tire as you can while keeping the vehicle lift as low as you can.
But, hey.... Opinions here are like XJs -- everybody has one and thinks theirs are the best