Government job interview

[scottmcneal]

A guy goes to the Government (FEMA) to apply for a job.
>
> The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
>
> He replies, "Yes - caffeine."
>
> "OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
>
> "Yes," he says. "I was in Iraq for two years."
>
> The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
> employment."
>
> Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
>
> The guy says, "Yes...an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my
> testicles."
>
> The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K.
> You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
> Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
> You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M.
> every day."
>
> The guy is puzzled
> and says, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M.
> to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to be here before 10:00 A.M.?"
>
> This is a government job," the interviewer says..
> "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and
> scratching our balls....No point in you coming in for that.":laugh:

[5-90]

Seen it before - but still funny (mostly because it's true, methinks...)



CIVIL SERVICE EXAMINATION

The following four questions are to be answered in a written format.

1) How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

2) How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

3) The Lion, King of the Jungle, calls a meeting of all of the animals. Which animal doesn't attend the meeting?

4) You need to cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you do this?






A1 - Open the door, put in the giraffe, close the door. This question tests whether you do simple tasks in a complicated manner.

A2 - Open the door, remove the giraffe, put in the elephant, close the door. This question tests whether you can account for your previous actions.

A3 - The elephant, because he's in the refrigerator. This question determines whether you can evaluate the effects of your own actions upon the actions of others.

A4 - Swim across, the crocodiles are all at the Lion's meeting. This question determines whether you can account for the actions of another.

[.40CalPatriot]

Sounds a lot like my job. You got us government workers down!

[kujito]

^It's not that hard. FWIW, no applicant who has answered all 4 of those questions correctly has EVER gotten the job.

[Ralph]

I too am a government worker. The difference is that I consider myself a professional first. I hold myself and those that work for me to a higher standard.

[kujito]

Isn't there a policy against that? :D

[Ralph]

Isn't there a policy against that? :D

Of course. There are policies against everything.

[DeftwillP]

Of course. There are policies against everything.

Well at least you've got principles.

[Ralph]

Here is a tip to getting an interview for a state job here in Texas. It may be the same in other states, but I can't vouch for that. When filling out the job application, when listing your skills, for the ones that match what they are looking for, copy and paste their skill requirements to the application and then change the wording just enough so that it makes sense. For example, if they are looking for "PHP programming experience," you write in the application, "I have PHP programming experience." The reason is because for many positions, the people that are looking over the applications are in HR and have no idea about the job in question. They will score the applications according to which ones match the job requirements closest. Those with the highest scores get the interviews.