Who's got a friend....

[riverfever]

in the diamond business? I aint t`lki.e about Tom Shayne dith$p (although I haven't checked them out). I haven't checked out anything yet. Idiot Wind gave me a link to an onLane place to get started with research from home but I might as well be looking at computer related stuff b/c it makes as mtch Banse. I have millions of questions. What's considered a socially acceptable amount to spend w/o me looking like a cheap bass turd? What's the difference between them all? Can I just get a bitchin' hunk of glass? :dunce: Do guys finance this kind of purchase? I can't imagine paying cash on my salary. Marriage was never a priority for me. Every one in my family has been divorced or B`eated. I know %d never do that and I always felt I didn't need jewelry to feel that way. We've been together 4 years now and I'm not goinf an8uhere. Fcrmatt was honestly the first person to ever put the concept of marriage in a way (and a simple one at D`at) that made complete sense to me and that I could appreciate. Thanks again for making it simple Matt.

I'm actually prdtty{iked about this. I want to re-Dc the suspension on my Jeep but right now it's taken a back seat to getting this done.

[pabloconrad]

I think a reasonable amount is about $1500. At least that's what my girl says.:gee:

[riverfever]

Holy crapola!!! I had heard that 2-3 times your monthly income was socially acceptable. Now I gotta see what others say. I must be hanging around some players. Thank you.

[5-90]

Traditionally, one is supposed to spend two months' salary on a solitaire for an engagement.

"Solitaire" being, natch, a single stone. Typically a diamond (although some personal variation exists - I've also seen emeralds and sapphire solitaires given as engagement rings) and there is no typical guideline for the metal used for the setting. White gold, yellow gold, platinum, and Sterling are all acceptable (before getting a setting in yellow gold, you may want to make sure she's not allergic to the metal - it's rare, but it happens. My mother is allergic to all gold, and typically wears Sterling silver.) If you're going to surprise her, take your guideline from what she wears.

If you're going to get a solitaire, better cuts are "round" (just like it sounds,) "emerald" (a slightly elongated rectangle,) "princess" (very nearly square, lots of facets,) or an "oval" cut (you don't need me to explain this one, either.) Save the longer cuts (like a "marquis") for when you're buying a ring with her full knowledge, or if she wears a lot of that type of cut (a "marquis" cut is an elongated oval with mildly pointed ends...) because that's very much a personal preference. Try Googling <diamond shapes> if you want to know more.

Here's a sort of "how-to" article on buying an engagement ring - http://honeymoons.about.com/cs/valentinesday/a/buyingadiamond.htm. Still, with all that it advises - the single best point I can give you is "go with your gut." Just because there's information out there doesn't mean you can let it make a decision for you - it just helps you make in informed decision! Only you know what's going to be "right" - you know her best.

Your point about marriage and divorces is well taken as well - I've seen entirely too many divorces to want to rush into marriage. I ended up with a woman 17 years my senior - it's been ten years, and people still think we got married within the last six months. It was a struggle trying to find someone odd enough to put up with me for so long, but it has definitely been worth it! There was some friction (my mother is 18 months older than my wife, go figure...) but it's long done - the last holdout was mum, who has just gotten remarried and come around herself, I think.

Considering the amount you're "supposed" to spend, it's possible to finance the purchase - but even the amount is subject to change (I ended up spending more on a "five-year" ring - we have decided to exchange rings again every five years - than I did on the original engagement ring and all three bands (the original two and my own five-year ring - a titanium band.) Fortunately, she's not materialistic. I'd have trouble if I'd picked someone my own age, but who hadn't had any hardship to go through...)

If you want simple information on pretty much anything, good places to start are Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) and About (www.about.com.) I've used both rather extensively, and found them relatively free of aprocyrpha and useless rubbish...

5-90

[lazarus]

A few months salary is the norm on a social scale, however are any of us really socially acceptable?

[Dirt]

My wife's ring retails for about 6kish.

I shopped around and got the diamond seperatley then, went and got it mounted. I think I actually paid about 4100.00.

I also have a family friend who is a jewler. So that helped.

[riverfever]

5-90...Thanks for that info. I will definitely check out the links. I hope that by not rushing into marriage, I will actually appreciate it more. She's not materialistic at all. I think a silver band would work with a simple diamond.

[riverfever]

My wife's ring retails for about 6kish.

I shopped around and got the diamond seperatley then, went and got it mounted. I think I actually paid about 4100.00.

I also have a family friend who is a jewler. So that helped.

Why do it separately Dirt? You just couldn't find a band you liked at the place where you bought the diamond?

So...when I do this...am I actually buying 2 rings for her? I know that we would not do a big ceremony. Neither of us would have family there...just friends. We'd want it to be just a big gathering in a casual atmosphere with people we like to hang with. Where exactly....I haven't even begun to think about.

[5-90]

Why do it separately Dirt? You just couldn't find a band you liked at the place where you bought the diamond?

So...when I do this...am I actually buying 2 rings for her? I know that we would not do a big ceremony. Neither of us would have family there...just friends. We'd want it to be just a big gathering in a casual atmosphere with people we like to hang with. Where exactly....I haven't even begun to think about.

No. You go evaluate stones, and then buy a "bare stone." Then, get a "bare ring" to set it in.

Or, do it the other way about - you find a ring she/you likes, and buy it without the stone. Then, go find a stone she/you like, and fit it to the ring.

It's probably easier to get the stone first, since once you get a "set," you are committed to whatever shape of stone it's made for. You can get any shape of stone you like, and then have a "set" made for it, if you can't find one. It's a lot easier to work metal than diamonds...

Either way, you end up buying only one ring - just buying it in two parts.

Buying bands is easier - those are just simple bands. Just find something you like, with a design etched into it or without - and same for her. My original band was plan 14K gold (so was hers,) without a design that I got for $80 the pair. My "five year" ring is a titanium band that ran the princely sum of $200, and her "five year" ring is a three-stone set that ran something like $1400. Got a discount on both of those, because I was co-signing for my son's three rings at the time (they wanted platinum, and that ended up running something like $4K for the set. Ended up getting about 18% off on the whole deal, by the time I was done negotiating from the wheelchair I was in at the time...)

I think that you will appreciate it more by having taken your time. Some traditions should be honoured, some bent, and others ignored entirely. The trick is knowing which ones...

5-90

[Dirt]

Why do it separately Dirt? You just couldn't find a band you liked at the place where you bought the diamond?

I got a better deal that way and, I wanted her to have a really nice rock. The band cost about 200 and the setting is waranteed for life (that includes if the diamond falls out due to thier setting).

So...when I do this...am I actually buying 2 rings for her?

Yeah, it sucks.

[dj's 2000 xj]

I bought mine last year at the ShaneCo. here in STL. It was very helpful, they are extremely easy to work with. It cost me 4K. I could have gotten it cheaper but, I got a platinum band. We dated for 9 years, so I owed her that much I guess :) Good qulaity diamond, lifetime warranty/guarentee IMO they are great. The Commercials lack a bit, but the store is great.. BE CAREFUL, they have beautiful women working in the STL branch !!!!! Go get'em tiger :)

[Idiot Wind]

I bought mine last year at the ShaneCo.
I got my band there and they were very helpful. Whatever you do Chris, once you make the purchase, dont forget to include it on your homeowners insurance. call your agent and let them know.

I picked my wifes ring out in 10 minutes :) don't make it anymore complicated than it needs to be. find a reputable dealer, go in and they will help you with the 'ol 4 c's. Give them your price range and any shop worth a lick will be more than accomodating.

no matter what you get, she is going to absolutely love it.

[Powerman]

I don't know you that well, but I have a sneaking suspicion that simple is not in your nature. Correct me If I am wrong.
First off, 2-3 months is the norm, but it also depends on your girl. My 1st wife cost about that much. My second isn't really into that that much. (long story, not the typical divorce. I'm not at all turned off on marriage.) I got her a nice stone and she is happy. She isn't all about the Bling Bling.

I went to the Shane Co. for my first. Their commercials suck, their service does not. Very helpful, and not at all pushy. I can't say you should buy there, but with your million questions it would be an excelent place to go. Here is the catch. They know diamonds sell themselves. You can't look at a stone and appriciate it's true nature without comparing it to other stones. I have always been partial to smaller, higher quality stones over bigger lower quality ones. Compare the two, you will see what I mean. Diamonds are not just diamonds.

Comparing allows you to buy the stone you want. The stone is what is going to keep it's value, not the setting. Have fun, don't go broke. Enjoy the girl, not her ring. Although, if you asked her friends, they would probably give different advice! Good luck with that.

[pabloconrad]

A few months salary is the norm on a social scale, however are any of us really socially acceptable?

Not in this forum. :cheers:

[SteveT]

I went with Shane Co. My wife is very into the outdoors scene, which is great for me. I knew she didn't like gold, and I wanted something she could keep on while camping, and boating, etc... I found a plain platinum band, polished edges and a brushed finish in the center. There are eight diamonds spaced equally around the middle, that are slightly recessed below the surface.

It's simple, elegant, and practical. Nothing sticking up to get caught on things, just enough bling that her friends all like it, and it doubled as engagement and wedding band.

I take it back to Shane every six months for a cleaning, and they'll warranty against breakage (not likely with the style), or diamond loss (we did lose one).

Great service, not pushy at all.

p.s. I went to the one on Emporia St., at I-25 & Arapahoe

Congratulations,

Steve

[DaJudge]

Think about her likes! My wife would never wear a ring bigger than 3/4 karat. She things they are gaudy. Avoid thinking too much about what some arbitrary social standard is and think about her. After 4 years you probably know her pretty well!

I spent about 1200 for my wifes current ring (after we were married for 13 years). She loves it. It has been 4 years and I am still getting mileage out of it.

Educate yourself...take her likes and dislikes into consideration...it takes a little time but you will be rewarded for your efforts.

And..my personal plug for marriage! Seventeen years and we are happier now than when we got married!

[IntrepidXJ]

i spent way too much.......


.....that was money down the drain

[riverfever]

Here's another dumb question. We will not have some crazy ceremony. Can I just get her a ring with the diamond or do I have to get the plain band as well?

I have checked out the links that you all provided. Thanks a bunch for all the info. I am going to go check out some stuff down in the Springs.

[5-90]

The guidelines I've given are just that - guidelines. "Social norms" are merely "averages" - and don't apply in every case.

If you're unsure, it's probably best to just ask to be sure (the engagement ring I surprised my wife with was the first - and last - "jewelry surprise" I've given. She works with her hands about as much as I do, and I find it easier to consult her, since I tend toward plain bands to begin with. Probably the fanciest ring I own is my old class ring - it actually has a stone!)

How much you spend is entirely up to you. Whether you get three rings or two is up to both of you - if she doesn't want a band and thinks the solitaire will be enough, good. If she wants a band to wear and doesn't wear the solitaire much after the ceremony - fine (my wife wears just her band most of the time, and I don't mind.)

How much you spend on a solitaire is something you'll have to take her personality into account for - I sure didn't spend two months' pay on mine! We are all individuals, and that fact is the single largest that should be remembered anymore... I merely wanted to help you make an informed decision - but, since I know neither of you personally, I certainly can't decide for you!

5-90

[footdale]

Here's another dumb question. We will not have some crazy ceremony. Can I just get her a ring with the diamond or do I have to get the plain band as well?



Some rings come with a matching plain band to go with it and they'll try to sell it to you when you buy the engagement ring. You don't have to get it then, might want to wait and see if that what she wants. I just got the engagment ring and we picked out her wedding band together, ended up goning with an "eternity band" instead of a plain solid band.

No matter how non materialistic a girl says she is (well maybe 99% of all girls), remember that all her friends and family are going to want to see it and she is going to want something to show it off. Diamond quality plays a big factor in this, my wife gets a lot more compliments with her 3/4k vs. her friends' 1.2k. Shop around like others said to get the best price for the diamond. It would be helpful to take the tutorial at Shane Co. to get a good sense for what to look for.

[Edit] Like 5-90 said, getting another wedding band (or two) is entirely up to her [\Edit]

[dj's 2000 xj]

Here's another dumb question. We will not have some crazy ceremony. Can I just get her a ring with the diamond or do I have to get the plain band as well?

I have checked out the links that you all provided. Thanks a bunch for all the info. I am going to go check out some stuff down in the Springs.


The new trend is actually just the one ring. (Which I was glad to hear :) ) A lot of my girl's friends have the second band of course, but my chica is down to earth. She says that maybe later I can use the extra band as an Idea for an anniversary gift.

Also, she got engaged and I got to lift our 2000 xj that we bought together :guitar: I may have agreed to almost anything at that point.

One thing to consider: Several of my buddies went to a regular Jewelery store in the Malls, their rings are nice But they paid twice what I did. (8K on some of them.) I know mine is actually what it's claimed because of the ShaneCo. It would price easily that high in a Mall store. Remember, no commision sales :) and, get one that fits the lady, I have .73 carat with great shine and she luvs me 4-ever !! or until I trash the xj :roll: please pm if you run into a problem

WE Also get this: It is rather gratifying :)


Diamond quality plays a big factor in this, my wife gets a lot more compliments with her 3/4k vs. her friends' 1.2k.

[riverfever]

Well...she has her Grandmothers wedding ring and I know it means a lot to her so this complicates things a bit. She may very well want to use that diamond in another setting. I really don't like the idea of picking out something as big as a diamond ring without her being involved. So I decided to go in another direction. She is extremely simple and does not like "loud" jewelery or gold. She collects vintage things like lunchboxes, furniture and things like that. She has been out of town at a conference this weekend so I've been pounding the pavement. I was basically looking for a ring that had tons of character to it. Today I found it. It's a ring from the 1920's. It's white gold and has some really incredible filigree work (the guy explained that this process was very popular back then). With a magnifying glass you can see the little roses and leaves on the top of the ring. Crazy to think someone did that by hand. In the middle there is a diamond. I think it's a cool ring to ask her with. Then we can discuss what she wants to do. Thanks for all the help guys. I know she'll like it.

[dj's 2000 xj]

Rock on!!! :cool:

[planefixer]

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