Three Wishes

[Root Moose]

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzies.

"Vell kid," said the genie, "you know how it voiks. You got three vishes."

"I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!"

"Vott'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!"

The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentif ul food and drink."

** * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?"

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

** * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

"Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Better you should make it a good vone!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me !"

** * * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

[Glenn B]

LOL. :) I like that version.

[Lawn Cher']

Dat's a good vone!

[SCW]

A black man, a mexican and a white guy are walking down a beach and find a bottle. They pick it up and give it a rub and the genie grants each of them one wish.

The Black man goes first and wishes for all the "bruthahs" to return to their African homelands and live in peace for the rest of their lives without the opressive rule of whites.

----POOF---, he's gone.

The mex wishes that all the Vatos in the US would join him back in Mexico with plenty of liquor and no whites to make life hard for them.

-----POOF-----, he's gone.

the white guy askes the genie, "So let me get this straight, all the blacks and mexicans in the US are gone?"

"Yep", answers the Genie.

"OK, I'll have a coke!"

[rocklandxjer]

eh, cooda ben funnia...

just messin, that was a pretty good one, heh heh

[Bohican]

A man walks inot a bar carrying a brown bag, sits down at the bar and says" hey gimme a beer".
The bartender goes "no problem", and in a minute comes back with the beer.
He looks and he says "hey whats in the bag?"
The guy sighs and reaches into the bag....he pulls out a tiny grand piano...sets it on the counter, he reaches in again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, then he goes in again, and pulls out a small piano player.....now the little guy starts playing motzart and taking requests and the bar tender goes" wow....thats amazing where'd u get it?" the guy at the bar sighs and reaches in for the last time...he pulls out an old brass lamp, he says" rub on that and u can have anything u want" so the bar tender gets all excuited and he rubs the lamp with his towel, an just then this decrepid old genie pops out an says" i will grant u one wish" so the bar tender goes "oh man one wish....o man, um i wish i had...i wish i had a million bucks!!!" so the genie goes " your wish is granted and goes back in the lamp, a few minutes go by and a duck appears on the counter...and another and another until ten minutes later there are a million ducks sitting in this bar.....the bartender yells" what the heck i wanted a million bucks not a million ducks...and the guy at the bar goes..."do u really think i wanted a 12 inch pianist"

:jester:

[dzolcali]

A black man, a mexican and a white guy are walking down a beach and find a bottle. They pick it up and give it a rub and the genie grants each of them one wish.

The Black man goes first and wishes for all the "bruthahs" to return to their African homelands and live in peace for the rest of their lives without the opressive rule of whites.

----POOF---, he's gone.

The mex wishes that all the Vatos in the US would join him back in Mexico with plenty of liquor and no whites to make life hard for them.

-----POOF-----, he's gone.

the white guy askes the genie, "So let me get this straight, all the blacks and mexicans in the US are gone?"

"Yep", answers the Genie.

"OK, I'll have a coke!"

boondock saints knock off but good joke none the less...

[anodyne33]

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything
under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do
you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.
I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought
something from you today?
The kid says, "One".

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65".
The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "F! irst, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new
fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down
the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the
boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he
didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the
automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I
said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing."














Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand
pulling a male buffalo with the other.


He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns, and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere,
then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter,
"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day."







The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end
of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to
tell their stories.

"Tony, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She
was a pilot in Desert Storm m and her plane got hit. She had
to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask
of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and
then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy
troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran
out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the
blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare
hands."

"Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of
moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the f**k away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking.