Seriously depressed....

[JeepXJ93]

Dont judge, its in the family, for generations i guess its been..on my moms side. Anyways, is there anyone here that has or had it? How did you deal? Ive been pissed/depressed since i can remember and i'm basically fed up w/ it....i started seeing a doc....doesnt seem to help. My dad is a f*ckin alcoholic and my mom is just as unhappy as i am so i feel like i'm in a rut w/ my entire life. Ive talked to the type that say "suck it up" and i've talked to the type that say "dont worry it will get better", i dont know how or when it will get better....to top it off, i just lost the girl i dated for the past 6 years. On top of that, it seems i'm in the coldest town in CT....no one wants to do anything, and i'm self employed so there is no way to make new friends....even when i go out w/ the one couple i still talk to. Does anyone have any advice other than drive my jeep off a cliff, or suck it up??? Sorry for the pathetic post, i obviously just have no where else to go.

[Fergie]

Seek a Therapist or Psychologist.

No need to suck it up and drive on as there is help through counseling, and through various types of medications.

Fergie

[IcedXJ]

Ya I had the same issue I sought to self solve it kind of worked, but I need therapy. Been where you have mentally. Just get to a therapist and talk it out and work through it.

[black89xj]

Look, there isnt any reason to drive your jeep off a cliff, you'll just end up fixin' it anyway.

All of the above mentioned are good sources of help. What do you mean since you are self employed you cant make new friends???? Ridiculous.

If your doc you are seeing (you dont say what kind) isnt helping then go see another one. Seek some suggestions.....

Drugs are excellent. The disease of depression is just that--a disease that is caused by (in many cases) a chemical imbalance in the brain. So, it is treatable with a combination of medication, talk therapy, and re-evaluation and changes only you can make in your life. The drugs will help you to come out of the fog.

I know, I've been there.

One good book you might want to get (at the library or bookstore) is "Feeling Good" by David Burns. Excellent use of rational self-therapy to see where your negative thoughts are all_wrong.

One other excellent source of help is your local church. If you dont go to church now, ask some of your friends/relatives where they go. You'll find it a great place to meet people and most churches have a very active social schedule. You'll probably find something...maybe even, someone new......

[riverfever]

PM sent.

[93_xj]

i live in a pretty cold town in CT also...

[Ramsey]

been there i'll be there again too, its helps to have someone to talk to. been on plenty of meds before too though i dont think that is a good answer. Find a therapist you are comfortable with(thats on your insurance :D) and talk to them. Sometimes you can sort things out yourself, but not always. Its not a sign of weakness or anything to be judged about. dont forget the :greensmok

[TRNDRVR]

Before you do anything stupid (permanent) to yourself, you need to seek the proper help, and not from NAXJA.

[JeepXJ93]

yea i know i need to get the proper help, and it deffinatly would be nice to have someone to talk to, has been my ex for the past 6 years, now she's gone. Have no one else i'm close enough to want to talk about this stuff. The doc i'm seeing is supposedly a therapist, insurance doesnt cover it, and i'm barely able to afford to talk to her. I know naxja isnt the place to come to, but like i said....its not that i want to end it all (permanantly) i just figured there'd be some good people on here w/ some good words. As for not being able to make friends b/c i'm self employed, yea....i'm a quiet guy to begin w/....most likely b/c i'm always so uneasy b/c of my whole situation, but its tough wakin up in the morning, workin all day completely alone, then coming home....eating dinner, trying to think of where to go to maybe run into some people willing to make a new friend....ending up just sitting home, waiting for the next day to come. Weekends consist of going to the lamest bar in town b/c the one couple i hang out w/ dont like going to the loud places that acutally have other people, i dotn blame em...its not my crowd either...but in short, in this case, how do you meet more people. Well, i'm going to go lay down and hope i fall asleep....thanks for the responses, everything helps.

[black89xj]

Open up your local phone book....there is going to be some organization out there that has trained volunteeers that take phone calls to just listen to people who dont have anywhere/anyone else to talk to. One is called Contact, another called Helpline....etc. Look under "Crisis Hotlines". Probably listed in the front of the book They are confidential and you can talk all you want.

[5-90]

If I might weigh in - I can't say as I've been "clinically depressed" - but I've been close enough a couple times. I feel like I've given guided tours in Hell for years...

This might sound touchy-feely, but may I suggest picking up a book by Wayne W. Dyer and reading through? It's helped me a good deal (like I said, I've not been clinically depressed, but I've been close, and I was mercurial as all get out before I was diagnosed with adult ADD and started medication...)

I know he's what would usually be considered "spiritual," but he does make a lot of sense, and reading his work can help you. I don't mean that this should replace therapy and medication (it hasn't for me - it's been more of an adjunct,) but it does help...

Just offering something else that might help you. I may not be able to understand fully, but I can work on understanding...

At least you're starting to reach out. This may not be the best place for that, but it's a good start - the fact that you're looking outside for help is a remarkably good start, and it's the sort of path you should really try to stay on. If you don't get help with one source, move on and find another. You will find help, if you keep moving...

5-90

[WB9YZU]

Yup, sounds like a rut, and a self-reinforcing rut at that.

I have found most therapists need serious analysis themselves ;) But, they are someone to talk to if you need guidance, which it sounds like you do.

Being alone is a state of mind. You can be alone in a crowded room. Most folks are fine with that because there is always the potential to talk to someone. What really causes people grief is being alone with themselves. Why? Because many people are uncomfortable with themselves and being alone with themselves brings that home to roost.

Like yourself for who you are. Don't worry about the yuppy midlife crisis questions like "Why am I here?" and "Is this all there is?" as they are just missleading.
The answers, in order of the original questions, are of course:
"To procreate :D " and "Well DUH!"

It was once said "If you send no ships out, none will come back".
That certainly sounds like your case. No ships are coming back to harbor because you're not sending any out. Yet, going out with the expectation of meeting folks could be setting yourself up for failure. Just go out. If you enjoy music, just go enjoy the show and have a beverage. If you happen to talk to people while you are there, that's icing on the cake! Join a Jeep club, go on trail rides, become involved, send out your ships.

Good luck with the Funk. I get that way sometimes also, we all do. The trick is to not let it take over your life and steal the color from your world.

Ron

[aparke4]

friends helped me through the toughest times... i just got dumped too man well 8 months ago but it happens... stay busy whether in school or work

[5-90]

Yup, sounds like a rut, and a self-reinforcing rut at that.

I have found most therapists need serious analysis themselves ;) But, they are someone to talk to if you need guidance, which it sounds like you do.

Being alone is a state of mind. You can be alone in a crowded room. Most folks are fine with that because there is always the potential to talk to someone. What really causes people grief is being alone with themselves. Why? Because many people are uncomfortable with themselves and being alone with themselves brings that home to roost.

Like yourself for who you are. Don't worry about the yuppy midlife crisis questions like "Why am I here?" and "Is this all there is?" as they are just missleading.
The answers, in order of the original questions, are of course:
"To procreate :D " and "Well DUH!"

It was once said "If you send no ships out, none will come back".
That certainly sounds like your case. No ships are coming back to harbor because you're not sending any out. Yet, going out with the expectation of meeting folks could be setting yourself up for failure. Just go out. If you enjoy music, just go enjoy the show and have a beverage. If you happen to talk to people while you are there, that's icing on the cake! Join a Jeep club, go on trail rides, become involved, send out your ships.

Good luck with the Funk. I get that way sometimes also, we all do. The trick is to not let it take over your life and steal the color from your world.

Ron


Sound advice - especially the bit about therapists needing therapy... I've not claimed to be perfect, but I'm not screwed up enough to go into psychiatry, either! Those guys are seriously imbalanced (I should know, I've had enough interviews and profiles with them... "Who are you to judge whether or not I'm normal? Whose definition of 'normal' are we using anyhow? What's to say I'm not perfectly normal for me, but don't fit in your view or 'normal?'")

Something I hadn't mentioned earlier, but Ron reminded me of, is to take some inventory of your interests and hobbies, and find other people who enjoy the same things. You're not looking for any sort of significant other, just some like-minded people you can get out and talk to...

'Funk' is something you can survive, certainly. Perhaps replace the "deep blue funk" with some good 1970's Funk - you might feel better (I usually do...)

5-90

[xjj33p3r]

I found that when I was depressed, self-motivation was a healthy addition to my daily conscience. If anything, you need to say to yourself that you are the person you want to be, and that you won't loose anything by trying to meet new people. If they don't want to meet you, it's their fault for loosing out on someone who is worth while to get to know. You have to have pride, not to the point where you see yourself above others, but enough to say that you will judge how things go in your life, not others. If you want to meet women, just go up to several at a different place on your own. Your friends aren't really helping the situation, so try something new on your own. If you get rejected, no big deal. Most men do, 7/10 times you'll get a rejection, but those other 3 times are going to be worth the effort.

Sometimes things don't work out great the first time, or the second time, but never ever give up, especially on yourself.

[Matthew Currie]

I suggest that if this is a family trait, and it's beyond your ability to self-motivate out of it, you'd do well to seek some medical or other therapeutic advice. You don't have to take the advice if you don't like it. I agree that a lot of therapists are full of....well, something that isn't good advice....but sometimes you get lucky. We often don't quite know how to articulate what's really bothering us, and someone with real skill can sometimes help sort it out. Sometimes it's chemical, and even if you are able to figure out a way to get around it without medication, it's awfully handy to have someone to advise you and keep you on track. I've known a few people in this situation, and just getting confirmation that the problem is more medical than mental can be a big boost in your ability to overcome it.

Anyway, hang in there.

By the way, what is the coldest town in CT these days? I used to live in Falls Village, which was usually a contender at least.

[Lawn Cher']

PM sent.

[JeepXJ93]

Thanks for all the comments guys...As for my town, its probably just my attitude towards others b/c of the amt. of rejection i deal w/ when trying to find people to hang w/....but it just seems like its the only town in the state that is so small b/c all the successful people that grew up and would accept you moved on and away....and the only losers left in the town are the ones who still have the same personality since high school, and will never grow up, so when you see one in public you know not to even bother b/c they are still the same a**hole they were 6 years ago. I know one kid that is still here that is a good guy, but (and dont get me wrong, i LOVE working on my XJ) all he does is work, and work on jeeps....literally, no going out on a friday or saturday night, which leaves it kinda hard to enjoy hangin out w/ him. This is the only interest we have in common, but after a couple days, i usually end up getting sick of it and wanting to actually go somewhere. Anyways, i'm down on the coast in Milford. My sister lives in newport RI and i find myself going up there as much as possible b/c she's always managed to have TONS of friends ever since college, and i get along w/ all of them even though they are all between 3 and 5 years older than me....i wish i could move up there. Thanks again for all the comments, keep em coming b/c the business here is slow and believe it or not, this is at least helping in the way of input and ideas. Thanks again all.

[OT]

Check this out (http://www.naxja.org/forum/showthread.php?t=95245) and read ALL of it.
It will make you happy again.
Seriously.:D:thumbup:

[RichP]

Volunteer, fire dept, rescue squad. Take some courses at the local community college or university. Those are just some things that might get you out and about. As for therapy, I have nothing positive or negative to say about it, I've seen it help people and I've seen it do nothing other than drain a bank account. Beej will probably chime in here as it's his line of work..

[IXNAYXJ]

I suggest that if this is a family trait, and it's beyond your ability to self-motivate out of it, you'd do well to seek some medical or other therapeutic advice.x2.

I went through some pretty paralyzing depression in my senior year of H.S. and first year of College. While some of it was situational, there was a very well documented history of depression and sucide on both of my parents side of the family. I turned to alcohol as an outlet and attempt at self medicating. A suggestion: Don't do this. Not only does it make everything seem worse, and in actuality be worse, it's expensive and self-destructive...and it will stick with you even after you've screwed your head back on straight.

Talk to a psychologist. While it was not what got me through it (or at least to the point in my life now) it was important to seek help. I never liked the drugs (SSRI's IIRC) but that is certainly different for every person.

It's good that you're talking about it, even if it is an online Jeep forum. It may sound like a cliche, but that's the first step (seeking help, not the Jeep forum part ;))

Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you have any questions, seeing as we're about the same age.

-----Matt-----

[stewie]

well, NAXJA is part of my treatment. no, seriously it is. for the past few years i was almost constantly depressed. it got to the point that one of my friends took me to see a phsycoligist. at first they just counseled me for a while. he recommended that i get a hobby. so after my last deployment ($$), i bought my xj and joined. now im on some happy pills and for a while was seeing a therapist weekly.

talk to your regular Dr. he can point you in the right direction.

[Matt S.]

I really have no experience with your situation. I am sorry to hear your having issues in the personal life, I do know that with even a small amount of effort, perople can push themselves through things.

What I find most interesting is the age of those contributing for the most part. Is our age bracket (20-25) becoming more suseptable to these illnesses? Why?

Thats what really bothers me.

[JeepXJ93]

let me tell ya, (and i just got home from the bar) drinking is the only thing that makes me lighten up. I NEVER drank before all this, and thats a big part of my problem, it seems like thats all people do these days is F*ckin drink, so how do you go out w/ people if you dont drink, i cant go to a bar and watch everyone else get a little buzz and stay sober myself, it just becomes incredibly boring b/c i'm not involved in the stupid a** alcohol influenced conversations. Like i said, i guess i'm a shy kid....i have been since i can remember...i dont know why and i can only change when i'm drunk....unlike my father, who is a pissed off drunk, i'm a comical center of attention drunk. I like that, but i agree, its not good, i just dont know what else to do...i'm trying to stop, and i'm getting better, b/c at the beginning of this summer when my girl left me i was literally drunk monday night through saturday night....now the only time i drink is if my only 2 friends happen to be going out for some reason too. (as for why the age of 20-25 is so common to be depressed, as a 22 yr old the only thing i can say for other people who havnt been depressed since the 7th grade like me....i think its so hard b/c it seems like the world over all is getting much harder to live in and be successful)(for me specifically i think its b/c i cant seem to sit through college, so i have stupid jobs making no where near enough money to afford a house.) Anyways, since i am a little buzzed right now, i'll actually be able to sleep, so i'm gonna go try that, i havnt gotten more than 3 hours per night for the past 2 months...i hate it. Thanks again for all the responses, as far as i'm concerned this thread never has to stop b/c i dont think things will ever get better.

[RyanM]

XBOX 360 Live, NFL(finally the season has started), working on and taking pride in my jeeps, recreation gold, softball etc. as you said, hanging out with the family. particulary grandparents if you have them. they are full of insight and make you feel good for keeping them company. all these things help me going, and an occasional hit of the bobmarley while listening to reggae never hurt anybody http://www.naxja.org/forum/images/icons/icon10.gifHTH

just read your post. I think MOST people ,depressed or not ,thinks the world is crazy and getting harder to live in. me being one of them.

[CanMan]

XBOX 360 Live, NFL(finally the season has started), working on and taking pride in my jeeps, recreation gold, softball etc. as you said, hanging out with the family. particulary grandparents if you have them. they are full of insight and make you feel good for keeping them company. all these things help me going, and an occasional hit of the bobmarley while listening to reggae never hurt anybody http://www.naxja.org/forum/images/icons/icon10.gifHTH

Where'd that link go?

Ive delt with it, but got over it by taking up new hobbies and not giving a fawk about certian things. Im swell now. :thumbup:

[RyanM]

Where'd that link go?

Ive delt with it, but got over it by taking up new hobbies and not giving a fawk about certian things. Im swell now. :thumbup:
i forgout how to get the big grin face with the :xxxx: method so i linked it from the bottom of the page,lol. that advice sounds good. the 'fawk it' attitude does help in certain situations i agree.

[Sarge]

This isn't easy for me as I very rarely talk about myself like this...

Despite my big mouth online I'm a fairly quiet person IRL. Very hard for me to make friends unless they start first. Been told I'm shy. Basically if I go to a party and I don't know anyone I'll be the dude on the side. Hell, even in parties where I know folks a lot of the time. Much, much worse if it's just me and one or two others. Oddly enough I can talk to a group much easier than individuals.

Bout a year ago I started getting worse and to add to it got very sick. During the attempts to find out what I was sick with (never did figure it out but suspected that I picked up a weird organism at work [sewer & drain cleaner/plumber]) the doc put me on lexapro as he observed symptoms of depression. A very deep depression to the point where self-motivation no longer works. I'm very good at self-motivation having used it to beat both drug and alcohol addictions. No need of a therapist as I can sit and talk to my wife. But it was both the talking and the meds that finally got me out of the "slump". I hate to admit it but I had actually thought of offing myself. I knew I was getting bad when I was ignoring my bike and my life revolves around my motorcycle.

Basically a good general doc can discover the depression. The meds combined with someone to talk to was the saving grace for me.

Sarge

[JeepXJ93]

i think your right, but for some reason no one wants to put me on meds, and the only person to talk to is the d*mn doc i'm seeing, and thats gonna end soon b/c of lack of funds, thats expensive stuff and my insurance doesnt cover it. I wish i had a girl around to talk to. I'm glad everything worked out for ya sarge...thanks for the info, i'm going to try to see a real doc and hope he'll put me on the meds w/out any hassles.

[Phager]

I have been battleing depression off and on for over 15 years. I've been to therapists and been on meds. As a matter of fact I'm on meds currently which is proving effective for my current bout of depression. For the most part, I've found that depression generally requires a multifaceted approach at treatment.

Meds will often help to take the edge off of the depression, particularly if some of it is due to a chemical imbalance. If your current physician isn't willing to perscribe antidepressants to help this along with the insommnia that I assume you're suffering from, you need to get a new doctor. I've been lucky with my doctor since he perscribed an antidepressant (Mirtazapine) along with a sleep aid when the antidepressant wasn't helping with the insommnia. It will likely take some time with your doctor to find out what the best antidepressant and dosage is for you particular flavor of depression.

On the counsoling side of the matter, I can understand that they are very much cost prohibitive, but often times there are other options. I can't speak fo Conneticut, but here in Oregon there is a group called Pastoral Counsoling that charges on a sliding scale based on you income. I'm sure there is somethin similar in your area that will do the same. It's definetly something to look in to. As with the medication, it will likely take some trial and error to find a therapist that meshes well with your personality type. It's well worth the effort to find the right therapist for you.

If you need any help, or just someone to talk to/vent to. Feel free to PM me. I 'll say in advanced that it's not a problem to do so, and I don't mind in the least helping out. Just having someone to talk to can help immeasureably.

Good luck, with treatment It will get better!

Pat

[yardape]

You need some therapy. Not because you're crazy or have a mental illness. Most people don't. You sound lonely and you need someone who is goal oriented to help you get organized and give you the tools to change and improve your lifestyle for the better. As you illuded to, it sounds like your parents were not the role models to teach you. Learning without guidance is hit or miss and can take a very long time while life goes by. Having someone who knows the ropes and can guide you through the process can be most helpful. As previously stated, you just need to hunt down the right therapist and don't give in till you find someone who is goal oriented. I've been in that grind where day after day of going to work and coming home alone goes by and you don't come into contact with anyone. Its brutally lonely. While I agree that you have to be comfortable with yourself, that has its limits. Man is a social creature. Being with others and feeling part of something bigger is a basic need.

For starters, if you've lost your girl go find a new one. There are plenty of places besides bars to meet available women. Online dating services are successfully matching people every day. Americansingles.com is one of them for starters and it doesn't make any difference if you are prone to being quiet. Been there, done that. Even if you don't end up meeting the love of your life you can certainly make some friends.

Good luck with your quest. You can figure this out.

[Cornflake]

I know it's pretty cheesy but I met my soulmate online and we've been together well over 2 years and our son just turned 1 today. I've been divorced already at 30 and never knew I could meet a person like the girl I have now. I was not one to meet people online but one day it happened and I've never been happier. That's my lame story :)

[RyanM]

I know it's pretty cheesy but I met my soulmate online and we've been together well over 2 years and our son just turned 1 today. I've been divorced already at 30 and never knew I could meet a person like the girl I have now. I was not one to meet people online but one day it happened and I've never been happier. That's my lame story :)
those things work? which flavor did you guys connect on Eharmony or match.com

[Cornflake]

Just an online personal ad on like Yahoo or something. It was done as a joke with me, I had never met someone online and she had just moved to our town and was looking for friends since she didn't know anyone here. I know people that just hook up online or have some crazy stories but that luckily wasn't my case. Already being a single father at the time with my then 6 year old son, the bar seen and such wasn't an option cause I had my son at home. I "dated" chicks from work and from the gym and what not and have never had a problem with meeting girls or getting laid, it was a bet that I lost to even be on there and it panned out big time. Couldn't be happier that's for sure. She even gave me my 1st XJ!! Tell me this isn't meant to be :)

[dzolcali]

Dont judge, its in the family, for generations i guess its been..on my moms side. Anyways, is there anyone here that has or had it? How did you deal? Ive been pissed/depressed since i can remember and i'm basically fed up w/ it....i started seeing a doc....doesnt seem to help. My dad is a f*ckin alcoholic and my mom is just as unhappy as i am so i feel like i'm in a rut w/ my entire life. Ive talked to the type that say "suck it up" and i've talked to the type that say "dont worry it will get better", i dont know how or when it will get better....to top it off, i just lost the girl i dated for the past 6 years. On top of that, it seems i'm in the coldest town in CT....no one wants to do anything, and i'm self employed so there is no way to make new friends....even when i go out w/ the one couple i still talk to. Does anyone have any advice other than drive my jeep off a cliff, or suck it up??? Sorry for the pathetic post, i obviously just have no where else to go.

JeepXj asking a forum of people for their opinions is going to spawn tons of differing suggestions, some of which you may have already tried and some of which may not be practical to your life. Depression sucks, I know I go through cycles all the time. My life story in a nutshell...dad is poor, still is, parents split when I was in first grade, mom lost her job, we were poor, I was born in a trailor and lived in several others. Sometimes all the food we had in the fridge was old milk and ketchup packets and my dad was too lazy or just didn't give a shit so he would buy cigarettes instead of food. My parents typically relied on household objects to beat me with, occasionally my dad would punch my face or what have you(once I went deaf for two weeks after he punched my face into a truck window for calling his coke addicted girlfriend a slut). Aside, from that I went to a very ghetto school where I constantly had guns and knives brandished at me for various dumb reasons. My best and only friend as a kid was beaten so badly from a gang that he had vertebre's in his back broken right in front of me, I couldn't do anything but watch and hope they didn't do the same to me. The story goes on and on...

I have come to realize that nobody has a perfect life, nor will they. If you don't have a lot of friends go make some! Seriously, friends serve you 100X more purpose than a girlfriend ever can. Sure, you can't always f*ck your friends, sometimes you can, but they will be there when you need them and that girl may be, but then again she may leave you after six years. If you are self employeed and aren't satisfied with the conditions of CT, I suggest you make every effort humanly possible to rellocate to a better place, sure it will be hard and expensive, but is your hapiness worth some extra effort and money? Mine sure is. Last man, I say do what makes you feel good. For me sometimes this leads to my depression, not to sound pesimistic after the pep talk but some of my favorite music, or things to do are introvert type activities that typically produce depressed feelings or modes of thinking.

I would also say to eat and drink less sugar type products because they cause bad mood swings. Drink more water and exercise daily, I can't emphasis the exercise enough but it will help to keep your blood flowing change your mood in a good way, and the endorhpins and other chemicals in your brain may balance out a lot easier if you pump some iron or go running and get runners high.

I'm no doctor but these things work for me a hell of a lot more than prescribed drugs like everyone in the planet is hooked on...and I seem to be accomplishing much more than the people I know taking these prescribed medicines as well.

Be bold man make some new friends, talk to people at the grocery store and stay confident, let people know you exist and talk yourself up to do things you wouldn't normally try, who knows you may like something you never saw yourself doing/going/trying before.

I hope that helps bro, I don't know you but everyone deserves at least one good friend, and online troll or w/e they keep calling me I can honestly say if you need a friend I'll listen whenever possible.

peace