Parents: gotta put the dog down, what to tell 3YO?

[SeanP]

Well, we are going to have to put our 10 YO Standard Poodle down this week. How have people handled this with their young (3YO) kids? Take them with? Let them say goodbye? This is really going to suck....

[8Mud]

If you don't eat your vegatables the same thing is gonna happen to you.

Seriously, putting your dog down is a hard thing. I'd just do it as quietly as possible and answer only the questions asked by the youngster. Deal with the aftermath as well as you can.

I always feel a responsiblity to be there, when they get the shot. The Vet always looks at me kind of strangely.

In dog years, he was 70 and it was time to go.

[Beej]

At three, abstract reasoning is a long way off, so instrumental support and honesty in their language is about as good as you'll be able to get. Give a detailed explanation that soon enough s/he will be dead and that means never coming home again.

She won't completely understand, but as long as you are there for her to help her grieve the implications of the death, she will probably be better off for it. For example, going over with her what she can expect from the change. The fact that if she has favourite routines, or games with your dog, that those will change after she is gone.

There is nothing wrong with having a ceremony/funeral for the dog as a way of helping her to understand the finality of the situation. If you are religious in any way, put the death in the terms of your religion and explain it to her that way. Allow your daughter to be part of the situation. Lying to her, or shrouding it in secrecy will probably be somewhat transparent to her, even at age three. It might be hard, but better to learn this experience at such a young age than a shocking death experience later in life.

Its hard Sean, but you'll be fine and so will she. At any rate, your dog has been part of your life for 10 years, you may likely have a harder time with it than she will.

I'm sorry to hear the news, its never easy to lose a family member of any kind and I hope you and yours do well and that she doesn't suffer...

[Rev Den]

Good time for them to learn about life and death, I was 5 when the familly dog was hit by a car. I was there when he died, it was sad...but I got over it. So will your kids.

Rev

[OT]

We've had many pets die and none of our three children really ever understood why the animals were gone until they each got to about five years old.
We would just explain it to them in words they understood and we would know it wouldn't sink in until later.
Hell, I felt sorry for my grandad after my grandmother died, because everytime the kids would see him, they'd ask him were grandma Judy was.
Now they all understand completely and use tact around him.
Good luck to you.

[riverfever]

I agree with Beej and really don't have much more to suggest. I think with your honesty and sincerity, your child will accept the news fairly readily.

My dog just turned 4 this Spring and I can't imagine life without her. I have heard of certain Doctors that actually treat this situation like Hospice would. They come to the home and make sure the animal is in a familiar place and thus, less stressed. That's how I'd have to have it: In her favorite place...the bed...snuggling with the humans. You might want to ask your vet.

I am very sympathetic to your situation. I know that one day I too will be forced to deal with it and I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

:cheers:

-river

[SeanP]

At any rate, your dog has been part of your life for 10 years, you may likely have a harder time with it than she will.

...

truer words were never spoken. We have an appointment scheduled for tuesday at 5. I am already a mess.

thanks for the replies

SeanP

[BrettM]

Tell her honestly but gently that the dog is dead, but I would avoid making it sound like euthanasia. Inevitably she will need to understand death, better it be a pet than a (human) loved one the first time around.

[Lincoln]

Let me talk to her and explain how it's all your fault. :D

I agree with the above. I don't think she'll take it too bad. You'll be worse.

Go get another puppy. She won't notice and you'll feel much better too. I've gone through a few dogs and puppies always help.

[Gil BullyKatz]

Let her say goodbye but don't let her be present...

Sometimes euthanasia's aren't as smooth as hoped for...

Placing an IV cath and giving some acepromazine or torb as a sedative prior to the actual fatal injection makes a BIG difference...

My most heartwrenching euthanasia ever performed was in the presence of two girls (5yr and a 9yr old)...

I was humbled by the strength of the older kid hugging her younger sister and telling her that their puppy was going to a better place...

I always feel a responsiblity to be there, when they get the shot.

X2

Not to go off-topic but I've personally euthanized every pet I've owned in the past 12 years... I'm not suggesting DIY...just that I think it helps to be present when that time arrives.

Closure

oh and yeah... at 3... she'll get over it easier and faster than you will.

[George2]

First, I AM SO sorry to hear of your loss!

2nd, and MOST IMPORTANT. Don't pull the shit about "Puppy's going to sleep, now". That shit freaks out kids FOREVER- like until adulthood. Go ahead, you pissers, prove me wrong. YOU slept in beds, a'scaired to go to sleep, because of just THIS kind of event. BE NICE, asspipes, and cut some understanding about this subject. Anyone who has critisisms after reading MY WHOLE post, has some issues because they got screwed as kids. PERIOD.

BE HONEST. DO NOT, under ANY circumstances LIE- and I mean, a REAL lie.
Tell the child WHAT YOU BELIEVE. It means EVERYTHING to them- seriously.
I have no idea what your religious convictions are- but this event is the time to maybe open the door to those beliefs. Your son or daughter will be looking to YOU, and your wife, or adult companion, for some kind of guidance- and a stupid as this sounds- HOW TO FEEL about the event.

How much time do you have left? There are MANY kind, understanding vets who will work with your family- and from my own personal experience, each and every member of the family needs to be present, at the passing. You've lost more than a pet, man- you've all lost a FRIEND, COMPANION, and GUARDIAN. Many people I've met deserved less than what a beloved family pet deserved, by way of saying "goodbye". If your pet had a "special" bond with your child, then they NEED to know that "Fluffy" would've have given themselves up to a hoard of raging wolves, then to let harm come to them.
If that was the kind of pet we're talking about, then don't fail to advertise the fact. Yeah. it's really, REALLY important- to a 3 year old. "Fluffy loved YOU, more than their own life". The explaination is pretty important.

Then explain that we're all just "boxes", containing the things we LOVE about someone- because that's what the BODY truly is. Just OUR container, if you will. Seeing a grandparent in a 'box' is what I myself faced, and MY OWN 3-1/3 year old called me out on that. I stated that her Grandmother's body in a box, was just that- a "box, in a box". What she LOVED, is no longer here, and what she could still touch is just the container we are stored in, while we stay on Earth. I held her hand in the parking lot of the funeral home, and she understood- I saw that "light" in her eyes, when she got the picture. DO NOT underestimate your kid- they're the smartest people I know, because they take things AT FACE VALUE. If you lie, or tell some kind of "story", you'll regret it for the rest of your life. My daughter is now 16, ans she STILL REMEMBERS that incident.

Please include your child in your friend's passing. This IS a most important time for you to share with them, and a point in your lives where you get to make one of the most dramatic statements to them, that you ever will. Forgive me for placing MORE on you shoulders- but if you quiver or falter, they'll really pick up on this. They're looking to you for GUIDANCE on "how to feel", so your actions right now are terribly important.

3 is NOT too young- but judge, and guide yourself by their response.
RIGHT NOW is your chance to earn a trust, and your honesty is most important.

Please let us (or at least ME) know how this worked out for you. I am always curious how other parents deal- and so far, by being straight up, I haven't had to backtrack anything I've ever said yet- but that's my own experience, and other families don't work that way.

And I've shared a LOT of mistakes I've made with my kid- and so far, she hasn't made any of my own stupid mistakes.

However you approach this, you have my best wishes, and prayers.
Good Luck!

[johnlv6]

Go get another puppy. She won't notice and you'll feel much better too. I've gone through a few dogs and puppies always help.

That was my first thought. It would definately help. At age 3 wouldn't it be more appropriate to just tell him/her that their dog went away or something like that? Bringing up death is likely to open up a game of 20 questions that they're probably not ready for.

[XgeekstarX]

my mom told me that she gave our old dog to an old couple out on a farm so he could have running room and stuff and i believed it forever.

[JeepFreak21]

I have no advice, but I send my condolences Sean... what a difficult thing to do. :(
Billy

[Matthew Currie]

I'm more or less in agreement with George. A three year old may not need the details, but simple truth is better than an elaborate lie. Some three year olds may be more aware than you think, and even if they don't catch it at the moment, they may later on and when they do, they may well be quite angry that they were lied to. The truth itself is usually pretty simple, and kids can handle it pretty well, and since they do also have memories, even if they have trouble comprehending it at the moment, they will remember later whether you treated them with respect or with condescension.

Long ago we had to put down a cat that my then three year old son was very very attached to. We all were, but he really loved that critter, which was already getting pretty old by the time he was born. As I recall, we simply said that the cat had become very sick (something he actually was aware of, because it was sick), and so we took it to the vet and it died, which was essentially true. I don't think we bothered with the details of the euthanasia, but made the point that the cat had been quite miserable and unhappy because he was so sick. My son was very sad, grieved, etc. and we talked about what a great cat "Krazy" had been, and how we missed him, etc., and he painted some enormous poster-sized pictures of the cat, and eventually got over it. If you have pets, you will be dealing with the death of pets all your life. Might as well get used to it.

[RichP]

Well, when I had to get rid of our cat due to kids alergies I took him to a shelter, they found him a new home, told the kids that he wanted to go to a farm, when we had to put down our dog, a gordon that was a biter I told them he was dangerous, he was put down after he went after the handler at the shelter, strangely enough they both understood, one was 6 and the other was 4...
My shepard, Max, had to put him down at 14, he was in bad shape, hips, kidneys and liver all at once, took him to the vet and sat on the floor with his head in my lap while the vet gave him the shot. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Totally blew my image as a hard assed bouncer.

[UNCC_99XJ]

Putting down a family pet is no easy thing to do. I went through this about 3 years ago with my greyhound and I dont think i've ever cried so much in my life...like Rich, mine died with her head in my lap, and thats when I lost it completely...even the doctors and receptionists were shedding tears, and this was my first time going to this vet.

I'd also recommend getting another pet fairly quickly....this helped me alot. We came back from the vets office, and made it about an hour in the house before we went out to the pound and started looking for another dog. It was just WAY to quiet in the house.

Just be straight up honest with your youngin....it will be better for them in the long run.

I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through something like this.

[Kaczman]

My heart's with you. I had to put my 10 year old Lab down 2 weeks ago. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

-Jon

[Tree Frog]

We had to put our Beagle down when my daughter was 4. We just told her over and over for about a week that she was really sick and might go to Heaven any day, and we had her say goodbye going out the door everyday.

My wife and I took her while she was at school and had her put down. I held her while she got her shot and waited with her.

That night we told her the beagle had died and gone to Heaven, but now she didn't hurt anymore.

My little girl cried for a while, but now she talks about the dog every once in a while, but ends it with "now she's in Heaven"

It worked for us, I hope it works for you.

[rckclmbr]

I agree with Beej and really don't have much more to suggest. I think with your honesty and sincerity, your child will accept the news fairly readily.

My dog just turned 4 this Spring and I can't imagine life without her. I have heard of certain Doctors that actually treat this situation like Hospice would. They come to the home and make sure the animal is in a familiar place and thus, less stressed. That's how I'd have to have it: In her favorite place...the bed...snuggling with the humans. You might want to ask your vet.

I am very sympathetic to your situation. I know that one day I too will be forced to deal with it and I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

:cheers:

-river

My dog, golden retriever, is also 4. I would become a basket case without him. I feel deeply for your loss. And teary eyed is exactly how i have felt reading all of these posts.

Kinda funny though. He has been trying to climb all 85 of his pounds up into my lap as i am typing this.

greg