Micro-Manager Sayings

[RTicUL8]

I need some help.
What are some common sayings that you've heard from micro-managers?
I'm trying to compile a list of common micro-manager sayings.

For example:
"I'm just doing my job!"
or
"Do you have a problem with me doing my job?"


.

[POLAR_JEEP_04]

This is coming from the "higher ups"

[JNickel101]

"make sure you courtesy copy me on all of your emails..."

"keep me in the loop"

[H8PVMT]

"I have 47 things on my plate right now, I don't have time for anything else"

"I'm looking at a piece of trash on the ground next to me, can someone get over here and pick it up?"

I have millions if you have the time

[HaleYes]

"See what you can do...."

[Bryan C.]

I'll look into it.

Or,

I'm doing it for the good of the company.

Or,

I don't care, its the customers who want it this way.

[Beej]

The classic I've heard every one I've ever worked for utter:
" If you want something done well, you gotta do it yourself ".

" I just want to make sure things get done around here."

"If I'm not checking up on you, how do I know your work's getting done?"

"What have you actually gotten finished today?"

"I'd like you to call these guys and ask when their order will be finished, because we have several customers waiting on us to fill their orders, but we can't until they send us their product. When you get him, tell him they need our business and we're prepared to go elsewhere. Make sure you talk to Pete and tell him Ed asked you to call and that Ed is pissed off. Actually, never mind, I'll call him myself." (Cue resignation letter...)

[BruceB83]

"Do I need to check this to make sure it's accurate?" --- usually said in somewhat of a talking-to-a-5-year-old tone. Yes, I'm purposely handing you inaccurate information and then I'm going to tell you to check it for me knowing it's wrong...right.

[needsrepair]

"All set" A boss we had would keep coming by and ask "all set" while we work on equipment. When we would get done we would return the equipment to the plant. Sooooooo.....if the son of a bitch is still in my stall with wrenches turning on it..........NO...its not "all set" you asshole!

[5-90]

Usually I'd hear "Ouch! Why are you hitting me?"

I've never had much patience with micromanaging nitwits. I've worked for two - both also had MBAs, and both were the worst bosses I've ever had. Coincidence? I don't think so, for some odd reason...

[Darky]

"I'd like you to call these guys and ask when their order will be finished, because we have several customers waiting on us to fill their orders, but we can't until they send us their product. When you get him, tell him they need our business and we're prepared to go elsewhere. Make sure you talk to Pete and tell him Ed asked you to call and that Ed is pissed off. Actually, never mind, I'll call him myself." (Cue resignation letter...)
Weird, I had an a-hole boss at my last job, and his name was Ed....He also lost custody of his daughter to his stripper ex-wife...how bad do you gotta be for the courts to say that your impressionable young daughter would be better off with a stripper??

[98XJSport]

"No big deal, it should only take us XX minutes."

Usually said by someone with no understanding of what needs to be done, to a customer. Said someone also never has any intention of it being an "us" job...

[Ivan]

One of my favorites as said by a real micro manager...

"As a matter of fact, it IS the other way around:
You're not stupid because you disagree with us....
You disagree with us because you're stupid."


My retorts to micro-managers....

"I can only please one person per day. Today isn't your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either."

"Underachievement isn’t all that bad… Remember, the tallest blade of grass gets cut first by the lawnmower…"

"Give the hardest job to the laziest guy and he will find the easiest way to do it."

"We’re too busy fawking up things that work, to fix things that don’t…."

[5-90]

One of my favorites as said by a real micro manager...

"As a matter of fact, it IS the other way around:
You're not stupid because you disagree with us....
You disagree with us because you're stupid."


My retorts to micro-managers....

"I can only please one person per day. Today isn't your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either."

"Underachievement isn’t all that bad… Remember, the tallest blade of grass gets cut first by the lawnmower…"

"Give the hardest job to the laziest guy and he will find the easiest way to do it."

"We’re too busy fawking up things that work, to fix things that don’t…."

Actual exchange with a micro-managing nitwit years ago...

MGR: "I've got an idea!"
ME: "I've got a better one."
MGR: "How do you know yours is better?"
ME: "Because it's my idea. You haven't had a good idea in the two years I've known you."

And, one I used to us after I did a job his way and had to redo it - "Let's fawk it up my way this time."

[GrimmJeeper]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZon9qf2NKA

:D

[97XJ Jeeper]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZon9qf2NKA

:D
I just changed my avatar this morning to that. Grimm great minds think alike. :paperwork

[5-90]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZon9qf2NKA

:D

Nice. As the poor schmuck who used to move everybody around (I got tired of that pretty damn quick...) I should probably have set a bunch of buildings on fire.

From the mind of Mike Judge. Classic.

[Hammered]

mmmmmmmmmmyeahhhh, I'm gonna have to ask you to come in saturday

[o2bgpn]

I’m going on vacation; keep a record of everything you do.

I’m on vacation, how’s everything going back there?

I’m back; let’s see everything you’ve done while I was away.

I don’t care if everyone else says it’s ok, I want you to redo it.

No! You need to do it this way!