Idiot Watch Thread

[XJ Dreamin']

I've seen plenty of examples of user and member encounters with idiots. How many times have you had an encounter and wanted to tell someone, but it wasn't worth starting a new thread?

The examples below were sent to my wife. I can't verify them. Probably, they've all been on Snopes.com for a while, but reading them made me think, "Why not an idiots thread?" If you bump into an idiot and just have to vent, feel free to add on here.

Again, these are not mine, but they serve as examples of what I'm looking for:

Example of: IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road.

The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

_________________________________________________
Example of: IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local TacoBell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg.

He was a Chef?

_______________________________________
Example of: IDIOT SIGHTING

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked !

"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

____________________________________________
Example of: IDIOT SIGHTING

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to
cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

__________________________________________________ _


No fair using this post as an idiot sighting!

If you think this is gay then nominate it here (http://www.naxja.org/forum/showthread.php?t=34644).

If you are not allowed to go here (http://www.naxja.org/forum/showthread.php?t=34644), then pay up!

[POSXJGuy]

there are idiots all around us. i live across the street from one. this one couple has a few cats and should only have one as to what the landlord said to us. they let their cats crap all over the place. im fed up.

they even come in my garage and hang out when i have the door lifted for a bit.

the other day the man of that house was in front being confronted by the landlord and he said "i only have one cat, i swear" ... right then and there two of the cats, none of which he said he had jumped in the window to see what was happening outside.

what a jackass. people like that should just be kicked.

[OT]

I hate that.
People without cats, that feed stray cats, HAVE CATS!

[BigG]

A Logo for this thread?
http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/2489/cautioneveryoneinthisneighborhoodisretardedqa8.jpg
http://hammeroftruth.com/2006/07/24/brutally-honest-free-speech/

[87manche]

I hate that.
People without cats, that feed stray cats, HAVE CATS!
x eleventy billion.
there's a guy down the street from me that has to have a dozen cats that hang out down there. They're all flea infested, Rocky confronted one in our yard and ended up with fleas on the spot.
I'm going to take up the pellet gun method of keeping them away. We've all called the health department, this guy was raising chickens in the house and didn't have running water.
The holes in the eaves allowed cats to climb out onto the roof.

[Menzenski]

People without cats, that feed stray cats, HAVE CATS!
On a similar note, self-proclaimed 'non-smokers' who smoke cigarettes regularly ARE SMOKERS! I have a co-worker like that; she drives me crazy.

[87manche]

On a similar note, self-proclaimed 'non-smokers' who smoke cigarettes regularly ARE SMOKERS! I have a co-worker like that; she drives me crazy.
she's not a smoker if she doesn't buy cigarettes :sure:

[FattyPatty]

I was driving down I43 on my to Milwaukee about a month ago. There is a newer Civic in front of me that keeps slowing down for no reason (no brake lights) and her reverse lights keep coming on. Were going normal highway speeds and her friggen reverse lights keep comin on. So I pull up next to her, and she is driving a manual, yankin on the stick like she needs to keep shiftin. She was really givin' her. Lookin for 6th gear I think. I could hear that trans screamin. She was talkin away on the phone. I almost pissed myself.

[Sniggs]

I actually had a girl ask me how they grow such straight trees in such a straight line to make telephone poles... :rolleyes:

[OT]

I actually had a girl ask me how they grow such straight trees in such a straight line to make telephone poles... :rolleyes:
How do they?

[shortxjdoug]

ok i'll play.......

one time a girl asked me "do deers have ears" to which i casually responded " no, you know how dolphins use their own radar called echolocation to find food, thats what deer use too" she answered me with a very reassured "ohhhh i see" the deafening laughter of everyone listening tipped her off to my little joke tho :D she also asked me what drywall was and what lukewarm meant all in the same day

[XJ Dreamin']

she's not a smoker if she doesn't buy cigarettes :sure:

She's a moocher. I was a moocher for most of my college years. Finally, I felt guilty enough to buy my own. That's when I became addicted :thumbup:

[XJ Dreamin']

I'll barrow one from my truck drivers thread.

I was rolling down a little boulevard along side the local mall. It's two lanes each way separated by median islands: grassy sections surrounded by curb with cut-throughs for access to the mall. One access opened to the J.C. Penney loading docks. As I rolled onto the scene I could see that in trying to back up to the loading docks, the driver of an 18-wheeler had backed the right side of his tractor onto the curb around one of the median islands. The trailer at that point was jack-knifed 90* and as the right side tires climbed the curb, the hitch plate levered the left side right up off of the pavement, stranding the truck.

I immediately realized that that truck was not going anywhere soon and pulled into the mall parking lot through another access. I continued on parallel to the boulevard alongside the loading docks. As I passed the truck, I saw the driver cramming a piece of the curb (that had been knocked loose by the truck) under one of the left side tires. I can only assume that he hoped to gain traction against that chunk of concrete. I didn't stick around to see how far that wheel chucked that chunk of concrete when that idiot opened the throttle.

[XJ Dreamin']

ok i'll play.......

one time a girl asked me "do deers have ears" to which i casually responded " no, you know how dolphins use their own radar called echolocation to find food, thats what deer use too" she answered me with a very reassured "ohhhh i see" the deafening laughter of everyone listening tipped her off to my little joke tho :D she also asked me what drywall was and what lukewarm meant all in the same day

A girl once asked me to explain evolution. After two hours of going over it again and again, her eyes suddenly went wide in astonishment. "You mean it's all just chance?" That was two hours wasted.

[Lawless]

Here's a good one...........I'll title it " do stupid people realize they're stupid?"

Was watching a movie years age with the in-laws. It was some movie that had a scene with a car driving through a desert, probably AZ or NV. The state that has acres of windmills out there to generate power.

I see this and look to my mother in law with a straight face and say.........................

Wow, Vegas sure is a rich city.............look at all the big fans they put up to keep the city cooler. She says.........oh I alwaws wondered what those were for.

The father in law just rolled his eye's cause' he knows just how stupid she really is.;)

[OT]

Hilarity.

[LBEXJ]

A few years ago, part of my responsibility at work was to give Customer Service ship dates on orders. One day, one of the Reps came to me with a rediculous requested ship date to which I responded "Sure ... Erin, go get my Magic Wand". Erin was the girl I had entering orders for me.

The Sales Rep and I continued by looking at the schedule. We worked out the best date I thought we could achieve. A little later, Erin came back and said, "Les ... I've looked all over your office and never did find your Magic Wand".

Les

[8Mud]

Narrow street with houses on one side and garages on the other. I pull up in front of GrandMa's house, unload the wheelchair and load GrandMa up and try to get her up the steps in front of the house. I noticed the guy across the street getting, what for, from his wife. All of a sudden he comes running across the street and says you are blocking our garage, I say, I'm sorry, didn't know you were planning to leave, he says I'm not, but I may soon.
I say, I'll tell you what, yell at me a little, then go back across the street and tell your wife that you told me off and I'll be leaving in a minute. He yells a little, waves his hands in the air and runs back to his wife.
After getting GrandMa into the house, I'm on the way out and he comes running back across the street and says, "my wife says, I should teach you a lesson for not moving fast enough". I finally loose my patience and tell him, his best course of action is to run across the street and punch his wife in the mouth, because if he doesn't get the hell out of my face, that's what I'm gonna do to him.
Next day I drive up and he is standing nose to nose with GrandMa (84 years old with bad hips) and blowing spit in her face. I was just getting parked, fixing to knock him on his ass, when my daughter exits the passengers door like a guided missle and knocks this guy 10 feet sideways, with one of the best blocks I've seen this side of the NFL. How do you feel about getting your bell rung by a girl :).
Round two, the word is out this guys son is gonna jump my daughter, my son hears this and a slow grin spreads across his face. My youngest daughter can generally take care of herself, if not, her boyfriend is connected, my son is a twenty year old construction worker and the other sister is a Cop.
I guess idiots are useful to help fight boredom and good for an occaisonal chuckle, but things get real crazy, real fast.

[Rev Den]

A little later, Erin came back and said, "Les ... I've looked all over your office and never did find your Magic Wand".

Les

That 'cause she was looking in your office...are you sure her name wasn't Insomnia?

:D

Rev

[OT]

My nomination:
http://www.naxja.org/forum/showthread.php?t=84097

[ZPD]

I was on a date with a girl in college and I told her jokingly that I was in a car accident in highschool and became a quadraplegic. She responded by touching my arm and saying, "wow they look so real and you walk so good" I didn't tell her for several days that It was just a joke.

[OT]

Dude, that's twisted!:firedevil

[Yucca-Man]

Had a friggin' genius call 911 the other day to warn us that there was a rabbit in the right lane of the interstate...traffic routinely does 65+ through that section. By the time I was able to narrow her location down from "In Denver" to "on I-25" to "heading toward Colorado Springs" and finally got a crosstreet out of her I'm pretty sure that bunny was no thicker than an inch...

Thanks for the laugh lady, but dammitall - what part of "Emergency" and "911" can't you figure?

[dfreeman616]

there are idiots all around us. i live across the street from one. this one couple has a few cats and should only have one as to what the landlord said to us. they let their cats crap all over the place. im fed up.

they even come in my garage and hang out when i have the door lifted for a bit.

the other day the man of that house was in front being confronted by the landlord and he said "i only have one cat, i swear" ... right then and there two of the cats, none of which he said he had jumped in the window to see what was happening outside.

what a jackass. people like that should just be kicked.

on a similar but worse note...

this happened to a guy i use to work with. he was driving home one day, and came close to hitting a dog crossing the road. when he stopped, a lady started yelling at him about watching where he was going and saying she'd kick his ass. the dog was going back and forth from her to her kids, who were unattended on the other side of the street (and no more than waist high, not sure of ages). she kept yelling at him, and finally he just got out of the car to face her right as a police car came up. what's really stupid is that woman tried to say the kids weren't hers, as one of the girls was tugging her clothes and saying 'mommy'

some people should be prevented from having children by medical procedure.

[jeepdude10000]

OK I got one for ya.

My girl friend from a few years ago, She bought a new car, the next mornig she calls me and says the car wont start, "come and fix it". I told her it was a new car, call the dealership. well she did not want to do that. So i went over to take a look at the car, put the key in and strated right away, So i asked what the problem was. She said ya it starts that way, i wouldnt start with the remote, andbody guess why? It was a keyless door remote - not a remote starter. She also figured the doors would unlock and open themselves with the remote.:twak:

[ckh550]

Back in high school a girl I knew came by our house right after she got her license. She asked my brother and I if we wanted to go for a ride with her, just so she could drive. We were busy so we had to pass. Then she asks, "well...then can you guys just teach me how to fill it with gas? I never learned in Driver's ed."

She was a winner.


Chris

[BSD]

I was teaching an intro. American Hist. pre-Civil War. The topic of the day was Slaves and The Underground Railroad. I get through with the lecture and illustrations. At the end of class I ask if there are anymore questions. One fellow - nice guy, surfer dude look and personality - asks with a perplexed look, "How were they able to run the trains underground without people finding out?" There was a pause while I, and the rest of the class, realized he was serious. I, trying to be kind, turned around so I could smile and laugh at the wall. Let's just say that his classmates were not as generous.
In another large lecture class, I was having problems with some cheating on quizzes. So I made two versions of the quiz and alternated them as they were handed out. In the middle of the quiz, I had one student - a baseball player who had strategicaly chosen where to sit - raised his hand. Mind you, it is very unusual to have a question in the middle of a quiz. I respond, "yes?" His statement..."Why are my questions different from the other quiz?" I told him it would not be neccesary for him to finish the quiz or the class. The rest of the students where RFLMAO.
Lastly, you gotta love the regular demonstrations of stupid plagiarism. I can not tell you how often I get plagiarized papers where the student fails to cull the name of the author from the original document. My only response - before failing them for the class - is to tell them that if they are going to cheat, at least cheat smart.
BSD

[jeeptree]

i was working at advance auto when a guy call me to get somehting for his car when i ask him what kind of car he had he told me it was an olds i said to him ok what kind of olds he simply replid with "mobile"

[Gil BullyKatz]

A few years back...

I worked at an animal shelter that performed low cast spay-neuter surgeries...

In order to "spay" a dog, you have to go into the abdomen and remove the uterus, tubes, etc.

At pickup time the owner was pissed because her dog's belly was shaved...

her argument was that:

"I though it was just a snip-snip and they're gone"

:twak:

[LBEXJ]

A few years back...

I worked at an animal shelter that performed low cast spay-neuter surgeries...

In order to "spay" a dog, you have to go into the abdomen and remove the uterus, tubes, etc.

At pickup time the owner was pissed because her dog's belly was shaved...

her argument was that:

"I though it was just a snip-snip and they're gone"

:twak:
Did it make you wonder what "she" had down there?

Les

[shortxjdoug]

Back in high school a girl I knew came by our house right after she got her license. She asked my brother and I if we wanted to go for a ride with her, just so she could drive. We were busy so we had to pass. Then she asks, "well...then can you guys just teach me how to fill it with gas? I never learned in Driver's ed."

She was a winner.


Chris

thats nuthin.... while i was in high school a friend of mine had a turbo saab for at least 6 or 7 months she let me take for a spin one day, i drove it till the gas light came on :D she responded with "gosh i've never put gas in my car before, i wonder if i know how......my mom always does it for me" she totaled that car before i graduated


good luck in the real world kiddo........

[Gil BullyKatz]

http://www.naxja.org/forum/showthread.php?t=85856&highlight=weld+coils+end+to

[shortxjdoug]

Has anyone ever hear of welding two coils together t make a monster coil or am i crazy for thinkin it


Winner!

[XJ Dreamin']

I aproached this intersection from the south, intending to turn right. A line painter had closed the southbound straight/right turn lane, diverting all southbound traffic into the southbound left turn lane, directly opposing the northbound left turn traffic! A second painter had closed the west bound lane, diverting traffic into the oncoming eastbound traffic! They had made no attempt to take control of the lights, and there were no flagmen: just two dumba$$ painters.
http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/7729/intersectionxc1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Drivers were pissed! Everybody was yellin' at these two idiots and they're like, "We're paintin' lines here!"

What's the world coming to... :twak:

[Flip94ta]

WOOO WOOO you know wat I'm sayin?


Thats like an alarm clock WOOO WOOOO

[boise49ers]

Back in high school a girl I knew came by our house right after she got her license. She asked my brother and I if we wanted to go for a ride with her, just so she could drive. We were busy so we had to pass. Then she asks, "well...then can you guys just teach me how to fill it with gas? I never learned in Driver's ed."

She was a winner.


Chris Now she wasn't so dumb. She was working you guys, or at least trying. Shit I still run into pumps at stations that it takes awhile to figure out.Or at least what order you have to do everything in to actually start to fill up. :laugh3:

[falcon1235]

she's not a smoker if she doesn't buy cigarettes :sure:

no she is a smoking BUM

[shortxjdoug]

ok i know i'm dragging up an old thread but saw a very reportable idiot today..... lifted tj on 35's going down the road he had his recovery d-rings mounted to his axletube and on a d35 no less.... i think he was wondering why i was laughing so hard when i drove by

[boise49ers]

ok i know i'm dragging up an old thread but saw a very reportable idiot today..... lifted tj on 35's going down the road he had his recovery d-rings mounted to his axletube and on a d35 no less.... i think he was wondering why i was laughing so hard when i drove by
He probably thinks it is a really cool set up. Wait until he hooks something onto it and rips the axle off. Oops maybe that wasn't so Cool !

[Darky]

Are we allowed to report ourselves? :D

When I first bought my Samurai, I couldn't figure out how to get gas in it. It was the first vehicle I'd ever owned with a locking gas cap and try as I might, I couldn't get it open. I'd turn the key 3/4 turn CCW just like it said and it wouldn't budge. Fianlly I realized that I had to turn the key back to normal just like on a dor...

[BigG]

Are we allowed to report ourselves? :D

When I first bought my Samurai, I couldn't figure out how to get gas in it. It was the first vehicle I'd ever owned with a locking gas cap and try as I might, I couldn't get it open. I'd turn the key 3/4 turn CCW just like it said and it wouldn't budge. Fianlly I realized that I had to turn the key back to normal just like on a dor...

Hey the manual didn't say to do that. You should take them to court for a misleading manual.


Yeah that's a post for the idiot thread. Those stupidity lawsuits.

[Ramsey]

Watch out for anyone named Big-G that can bench press his jeep while his wife changes the tire.

[ladywolf]

Now she wasn't so dumb. She was working you guys, or at least trying. Shit I still run into pumps at stations that it takes awhile to figure out.Or at least what order you have to do everything in to actually start to fill up. :laugh3:


hey when i first started driving, i had no clue how to work the pump. c'mon....i grew up on a farm where i just pulled up to the pump, pulled the nozzle off the thing...and turned the pump on to pump gas. PAYING for gas, and figuring out how to do it was a new experience. (yes, i know i grew up in BFE)

[Beej]

Watch out for anyone named BigG that can bench press his jeep while his wife changes the tire. Be fair Rams. That was BIG-G, this is BigG...

[Ramsey]

Be fair Rams. That was BIG-G, this is BigG...
your right, i edited to corrcet that

[Beej]

Well, I guess we should give him time to prove if he's another BIG-G...

:D

[BigG]

Yeah, I've heard of the escapades of BIG-G. Trust me, I am in no way a troll. I happen to like the name and have a personal reason for keeping it, and in this case, clearing its good name.

[Ramsey]

Good luck:thumbup: its gonna take awhile:D

[bjoehandley]

I've got a good idiot story......

When I first signed up to my current insurer she was telling us of a friend of her's and her husband's that they were going somewhere with in his stick equipped car. Every time they got up to a toll plaza he would pull into the manual lanes, even if the automatic lanes were open and empty. They decided to ask him why he was doing that, his answer was that he thought that since he had a manual trans car he was supposed to use the manual toll booths..........

[5-90]

It just amazes me how many examples of "people who should not go into public without an escort" we've come up with here. And, it seems that incidence of such is on the rise - perhaps the dumbing down of education, and multilingualism in public education is to blame?

5-90

[bjoehandley]

It just amazes me how many examples of "people who should not go into public without an escort" we've come up with here. And, it seems that incidence of such is on the rise - perhaps the dumbing down of education, and multilingualism in public education is to blame?

5-90


Unfortunetly this probably a long time coming. Dad was telling about a chemist that worked at, I think, Iowa State University back in the mid 60's. When it came to chemistry there was almost nothing this man couldn't do, but his wife had to go out and start his car in the morning before work and his secretary would have to do the same before he left to go home at night because he couldn't figure out how to start his own car!!!

There was also an Ames, Iowa cop and later he was an ISU security gaurd after he lost his cop job at about the same time period that managed to shoot his own foot and his cruiser trying to practice the quick draw with his loaded service revolvers on two separate occasions :dunce: When he was still an Ames cop hegave one of my uncles a ticket for laying rubber while pulling out of a parking lot and when they got to court this idiot swore up and down that my uncle smoked them so hard thatthe rubber was still on the road to that day. The judge actually called a recess and they went to the place where the ticket was issued and low and behold, no skid marks on the driveway or road were to be found. Needless to say, that ticket got thrown out:D