The Pinko Left Joke Thread

[Bent]

A Tragedy

Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."

No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50
children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson , "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either".


************************************************** ************************************************** **



One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up......salesman, mechanic, business man, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being ususually quiet. When the teacher prodded him about his father's profession he replied, "my father is an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret. He takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. He doesn't get home until very late at night.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurridly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "is this really true about your father?"

"No," he said, "actually my dad works for the Democratic National Committee, and he is helping to get Hillary Clinton elected as the next president. I was just too embarrassed to say that in front of everyone."




************************************************** ************************************************** ****************



One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."


************************************************** *****

:D

[Matt S.]

I love you Tim.

[XJ Dreamin']

Let me come back to this after lunch.


bon apatite

[RichP]

Let me come back to this after lunch.


bon apatite

Just don't skim, seeing 'President Hilary Clinton' might make you blow lunch..

[ECKSJAY]

I'm deeply offended by this thread.

[casm]

I'm deeply offended by this thread.

I'm deeply offended that you're deeply offended by this thread.

Please, won't someone think of the children?

[GAJeep]

Reminds me of an advert I recently saw for a "multi-party" bumper sticker - "RUN Hillary RUN." Democrats put it on the rear bumper and Republicans put it on the front bumper...

Also, did you hear that the "Hillary as First Lady" postage stamp has been recalled. It seems that it was not sticking to envelopes properly and that mail using the stamp was not being delivered. As a US Senator, Hillary demanded an investigation and the US Inspector General's office determined that the stamp was manufactured properly and that there was nothing wrong with the adhesive - people were just spitting on the wrong side...

And finally, a joke -

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 25 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.


However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were three empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was curious as to why.


That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the cans in the box?"


Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened but temptation does happen and I guess that three times is not that bad considering the years." So they hugged and made their peace.


Then Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?" Bill answered sheepishly, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

[jmowens]

I'm deeply offended by this thread.

Best Tread Ever!


:yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:

[XJ Dreamin']

Just don't skim, seeing 'President Hilary Clinton' might make you blow lunch..

I don't know...When Chelsey was a bit younger I would have said a MILF with dessert. I mean, who was givin' Bill hummers between mistresses? There's got to be some potential there, somewhere.

[87xjco]

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

[Jeepsloth]

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United
States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street
and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country,
giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free
education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for
having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am
not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."

[SBrad001]

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United
States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street
and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country,
giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free
education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for
having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am
not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."

You know, I was enjoying this read until I got to this post.

I think it's rather stupid and bigoted. It implies that anyone with an ethnic background or born out side of the U.S. isn't American. . . . That's bullshit. Try thinking before you type something next time.

[Jeepsloth]

We’re all entitled to our opinions, and I spent 21 years in the Army defending your right to express yours. However I disagree with your assessment of the previous post. For various reasons our society has turned into an entitlement ridden, Multiculturalist mess. Where groups are polarized by politicians and others and it is acceptable and even expected to deride the United States; where it’s accepted practice to blame everything on another group and not take responsibility for anything; where people that question the state of affairs are labeled.

And my family emigrated here in the 1920's, didn't speak English...

[SBrad001]

We’re all entitled to our opinions, and I spent 21 years in the Army defending your right to express yours. However I disagree with your assessment of the previous post. For various reasons our society has turned into an entitlement ridden, Multiculturalist mess. Where groups are polarized by politicians and others and it is acceptable and even expected to deride the United States; where it’s accepted practice to blame everything on another group and not take responsibility for anything; where people that question the state of affairs are labeled.

And my family emigrated here in the 1920's, didn't speak English...

And I served honorably in the frickin' Marine Corps for 6 years, so what

Your joke still implies that individuals that weren't born here aren't real Americans, and that's still bullshit. I served with plenty of Marines that only had a Green Card, and received their citizenship while serving their adopted country. THEY are the epitome of what it means to be American. Your joke does not.

[XJMK]

I didn't like the joke about Gore and Bill getting to sit next to God, but then I realized it was a joke.

Oh yeah, Army National Guard, served six, reupped for 3 more.

[Matt S.]

I didn't like the joke about Gore and Bill getting to sit next to God, but then I realized it was a joke.

Oh yeah, Army National Guard, served six, reupped for 3 more.

Brad shows us excellent insights into the mind of the libs.... cant take a friggin joke.

[AkJeepKid]

They are jokes... what is the problem? Funny ones at that, Thanks :D

[Jeepsloth]

Brad shows us excellent insights into the mind of the libs.... cant take a friggin joke.

that and the personal attacks...Brad your still missing the point maybe all the swearing has something to do with it, I don't know. :)

[SBrad001]

Brad shows us excellent insights into the mind of the libs.... cant take a friggin joke.

Oh, whatever man. . .

:roflmao: :roflmao:

[Matt S.]

Oh, whatever man. . .

:roflmao: :roflmao:



hahah I guess I should have said something like " I am trying to be funny... but i bring the suck":roflmao:

[SCW]

My take on the joke was that anyone who still identified themselves as an ethnic minority were the ones who are too lazy to work. Those who consider themselves "American" are at work.

But then I have not served in any military branch, so I am unqualified to tell or understand jokes in this thread. Fortunately the left is here to tell me what to think.

[motorcityxj]

My take on the joke was that anyone who still identified themselves as an ethnic minority were the ones who are too lazy to work. Those who consider themselves "American" are at work.

But then I have not served in any military branch, so I am unqualified to tell or understand jokes in this thread. Fortunately the left is here to tell me what to think.

:shhh:

Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off
when he
looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the
neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and
fearing he was turning white and might have to
start working for a living, he called his doctor and
told him of his problem.
The doctor advised him to come to his office
immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a
concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse, and told
him to drink it all. Jesse drank the concoction,
burped and replied, "God, that tasted like bull shit!"


The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."

[motorcityxj]

You know, I was enjoying this read until I got to this post.

I think it's rather stupid and bigoted. It implies that anyone with an ethnic background or born out side of the U.S. isn't American. . . . That's bullshit. Try thinking before you type something next time.

its just a joke. Its like a picture, it is ONE SITUATION designed to be funny. Does a picture of washington crossing the delaware show that only white man can lead?

http://www.metmuseum.org/explore/gw/art_gw/ap97.341.jpg

How about grant woods painting

http://www.miracosta.edu/home/pajones/images/american-gothic.jpg

this picture by your logic shows ALL white people are hard working so much som they can't have fun and smile for a picture, and arent civilized or dignified enough to leave a pitch fork in the barn. Ignorant whitey probably brings that pitch for to bed with him and to church.

Any joke that encompased EVERY possible scenario of immigrant lifestyle would be longer than a set of encylopedias and NOT BE FUNNY.

dude get off your high horse

Lastly your someone "with an ethnic background" comment offended me. Not if anyone else said it (i am not easily offended), but now knowing your opinions on a few things it offended me YOU said it. What exactly are you implying ? That white folks dont have an ethnic back ground? Or are you saying that white are one thing, and others are "ethnic". At any rate sounds harsh and unfair generalization from someone who no doubt imagines them self very fair and respectful.

Try to think of it as people are what they lable themselves. And it was the prefix or hypenated "american" label that was holding these folks back in the joke, the lack of english reading writing and speaking skills, and not embracing america. I am a italian (1/4) belgian (1/4) argentinian (1/8), and also scotch, english, german, canadian, and welsh. I do not consider my self anything but American.

[Big_Ben]

I agree with motorcityxj. These are only jokes, dont take them seriously. I live in the U district in seattle and I listen to jokes from the other side all the time. I've learned to not take it seriously

[SBrad001]

http://www.metmuseum.org/explore/gw/art_gw/ap97.341.jpg
its just a joke. Its like a picture, it is ONE SITUATION designed to be funny. Does a picture of washington crossing the delaware show that only white man can lead?



Well, until about fifty years ago, it was assumed that a black man was unfit to lead our soldiers into battle. That idea didn't shift for many years after the military was integrated. And there are plenty of people that still feel that way, but we both know that idea is ridiculous. . . .




How about grant woods painting

http://www.miracosta.edu/home/pajones/images/american-gothic.jpg

this picture by your logic shows ALL white people are hard working so much som they can't have fun and smile for a picture, and arent civilized or dignified enough to leave a pitch fork in the barn. Ignorant whitey probably brings that pitch for to bed with him and to church.


I'm not an art critic, but I'm sure that that painting will speak to me differently than some of my friends simply because I grew up much differently.



Any joke that encompased EVERY possible scenario of immigrant lifestyle would be longer than a set of encylopedias and NOT BE FUNNY.


Sure I agree with you. The caveat here is that there's a difference between derogatory and ones that pokes fun of our 'differences'. I'm fine with something that pokes fun of me, I'm not fine with something that implies that I, any of my family or any other legal immigrant are doing nothing more that taking advantage of the good fortune to be in this country.


Lastly your someone "with an ethnic background" comment offended me. Not if anyone else said it (i am not easily offended), but now knowing your opinions on a few things it offended me YOU said it. What exactly are you implying ? That white folks dont have an ethnic back ground? Or are you saying that white are one thing, and others are "ethnic". At any rate sounds harsh and unfair generalization from someone who no doubt imagines them self very fair and respectful.

Try to think of it as people are what they lable themselves. And it was the prefix or hypenated "american" label that was holding these folks back in the joke, the lack of english reading writing and speaking skills, and not embracing america. I am a italian (1/4) belgian (1/4) argentinian (1/8), and also scotch, english, german, canadian, and welsh. I do not consider my self anything but American.

Good. I'm glad I offended you. Shows that you're thinking about it.

All others are judged against the majority. The majority of Americans are of a Western European decent, it's the norm. What do you judge the norm against? The largest influence on our society has been western European. It's just the way it is.

You ask me what I'm implying, I'm implying that we judge and form our opinions of others by the experiences we have of living with in this society. That's all.

You make mention to people labeling themselves(I think you might want to re-read the joke a bit more closely), jokes like this aren't people labeling themselves. It's the joke that is labeling them. That's what irritates me.

[Beej]

Well this thread's going somewhere now...

:D

http://www.forumspile.com/IBTL-Motivational_poster.jpg

[Sniggs]

Wow Back on topic!!

If you listened to Thursday night's Old Fart Radio, you would have heard this:

***
A man went to the doctor because he had a problem with his
penis dripping after had urinated.

The doctor said, "No problem, we can fix that for you. It is
really a simple procedure. We just graft a piece of skin from
your nose onto your penis and it will take care of the problem."

After the operation, the guy went to the washroom to see if
the operation worked. He peed, shook and waited. Suddenly a
small drip began to form and he thought to himself, it didn't
work! Then all of a sudden he heard "sniffff" and it was gone.

***

:laugh: :roflmao: :music:
http://i15.tinypic.com/2n87kf7.jpg
SBK Radio ::: It Owns Yer face

[ECKSJAY]

Wow Back on topic!!

If you listened to Thursday night's Old Fart Radio, you would have heard this:



That's not on topic. :doh: That was just a bad joke. :doh: :doh:

[dirtybird]

thats funny sniggs brad lighten up it was just a joke and damn funny ones at that in the opinon of a US CAV Trooper

[Bent]

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

[SCW]

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."


Bent, that offends me. I hate the thought of useless air pollution, followed by a terrible streak of grease on the ground for some mexican to clean up. :D

[Bent]

"So, I was talking to this little girl, Catherine, the daughter of some friends, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine - 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

Catherine replied - 'I would give houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.

' I told her. 'You don't have to wait until you're President to help the homeless, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use toward a new house.'

Catherine (who was about 5) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?'

And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party'."

[SBrad001]

Tim, I hate you. . . you had to revive this thread didn't you.. . .

[ehall]

What's the difference God and Barak Obama

























God doesn't think he's Barak Obama

[Stihl029]

"So, I was talking to this little girl, Catherine, the daughter of some friends, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine - 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

Catherine replied - 'I would give houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.

' I told her. 'You don't have to wait until you're President to help the homeless, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use toward a new house.'

Catherine (who was about 5) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?'

And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party'."

Very Nice

[JNickel101]

"So, I was talking to this little girl, Catherine, the daughter of some friends, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine - 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

Catherine replied - 'I would give houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.

' I told her. 'You don't have to wait until you're President to help the homeless, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use toward a new house.'

Catherine (who was about 5) thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me seething, and Catherine replied, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?'

And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party'."

Very nice x2 :D

[JNickel101]

(Sorry Brady, it's just too funny...)

[SBrad001]

(Sorry Brady, it's just too funny...)

Screw off or I'll start a global warming thread! :D

I have no excuse for being such an asshat in this thread, but atleast I learned from it.

[JNickel101]

:thumbup: I'm guilty of it too....I'm trying to learn as well...

Global what? :D

[90Blue_XJ]

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Goodbye, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Goodbye, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning

[90Blue_XJ]

Alfred and Betty were sitting in an Old Persons Home when Alfred says to Betty "I'm leaving you for Mable."
Betty, upset, asks "why?"
"Because" says Alfred "Mable holds my willy all night"
"But I hold your willy all night" says a confused Betty
"Yes but Mable has parkinsons"

[90Blue_XJ]

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What
is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a
headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of
the month.'"

[Darky]

And I served honorably in the frickin' Marine Corps for 6 years, so what

Your joke still implies that individuals that weren't born here aren't real Americans, and that's still bullshit. I served with plenty of Marines that only had a Green Card, and received their citizenship while serving their adopted country. THEY are the epitome of what it means to be American. Your joke does not.
I think you're taking the joke a little harshly...I suppose I oughta leave my jokes out, they are definitely racist...against myself?!

[Darky]

My take on the joke was that anyone who still identified themselves as an ethnic minority were the ones who are too lazy to work. Those who consider themselves "American" are at work.

But then I have not served in any military branch, so I am unqualified to tell or understand jokes in this thread. Fortunately the left is here to tell me what to think.
You slacker, you make me sick!!!!!!!!!!11!


:D

[Darky]

Yeah Tim, I didn't even realize I was replying to year and half old posts until the end of page 2!

[Bent]

OK, back on topic.


A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama Fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny says,'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher says,'Why aren't you an Obama fan?

Johnny says,'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered,'Well, my mom's a Republican and my dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks,'If your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replies,'That would make me an Obama fan.'

[wolfpackjeeper]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle'. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there in the first place.'

[Darky]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle'. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there in the first place.'
That's great! :roflmao:

[Bent]

This is a re-post but it somewhat belongs here.



A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled and reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing" she asked. "They're mating", he replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," he answered. She asked, "That's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No", he replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped the two spiders flat. "Well, that might be okay in California, Oregon and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that sh!t in Texas!
:nono:

[tbburg]

Eight years old and counting, but I still laugh:

Bill and Hillary are driving through the old neighborhood in Arkansas and pass a gas station. Bill looks at the gas station attendant and recognizes him. He turns to his wife and says, Hillary, didn't you used to date that guy?"
Hillary looks out the window for a second and says,"Yes, I did. It was pretty serious".
Bill laughs and says, "Imagine where you'd be if you'd married him!"
Hillary looks off into the distance and says,"I'd be married to the President of the United States."

[SBrad001]

I think you're taking the joke a little harshly...I suppose I oughta leave my jokes out, they are definitely racist...against myself?!

Leave me alone, it was a long time ago and I had my head up my ass. . . . :rattle:

[FlexdXJ]

You know, I was enjoying this read until I got to this post.

I think it's rather stupid and bigoted. It implies that anyone with an ethnic background or born out side of the U.S. isn't American. . . . That's bullshit. Try thinking before you type something next time.

You want some wah burgers with those french cries. We are just enjoying some friendly shenanigans, so shut the XXXX up and quit crying :D

[FlexdXJ]

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."



Nice! thats funny shit! :D

[TRNDRVR]

OK, back on topic.


A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama Fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny says,'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher says,'Why aren't you an Obama fan?

Johnny says,'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered,'Well, my mom's a Republican and my dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asks,'If your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replies, 'Well they are, that's why I'm a Republican.':gag:

[wolfpackjeeper]

^that was the laziest "fix" i have ever seen^


and if you really believe in your sig you need to read up on some of his plans

[SBrad001]

You want some wah burgers with those french cries. We are just enjoying some friendly shenanigans, so shut the XXXX up and quit crying :D

You're hurting my feelings! I'm gonna complain to the BOD if you don't stop! :rattle:

[Kittrell]

You're hurting my feelings! I'm gonna complain to the BOD if you don't stop! :rattle:

The BOD doesn't care.....................http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v690/Jeep1991/Smilies/happyfinger.gif

[Darky]

Leave me alone, it was a long time ago and I had my head up my ass. . . . :rattle:
The second part I noticed first, the first part I noticed second...:D

[Bent]

Back on topic, again.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some Sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Liberal, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically,
thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Liberal from the bear's grasp. Then, using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it into the bed of their truck while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and liberal environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, 'Who was that guy?' 'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.' Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure don't know anything about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts to get another one?

[Nuke Proof]

Back on topic, again.

Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts to get another one?

That is the funniest joke I have ever heard.

here's a repost of one from earlier;

One day a Texas Rancher very proudly helped his daugther move out of the house and go to college. After four years of attending UC Berkley, she returned to the ranch with her parents. One night at dinner, the father asked his daughter what she learned at college and she responded, "Well I am very proud to tell you that I am now a staunch democrat!" She went on to exclaim how her professors showed her the light about equal opportunity, medicare and immigration and how the rich should be taxed and the money should be distributed to the less fortunate. She talked for several minutes on how hard she studied and the good grades she got.

The father then asked her how her roommate, Julie did. The daughter replied that Julie barely passed with C's and partied all the time while she stayedd at the dorm and studied. The father smiled and told the daughter that she was pretty selfish. When the daughter questioned why, he told her, "Well didn't you get a 4.0 GPA and Julie get a 2.0GPA?" "Well yes." "Well then you should go to the dean and request that 1 point of your GPA be taken away and given to Julie so you will both have a 3.0" he replied.

Now very upset, the daughter questioned, "Why in the hell would I do that? I worked day and night for my grades, while Julie partied and had fun for four years. It is not fair that what I worked for be taken away and given to someone who is lazy!"

The father smiled and said, "Welcome back to the Republican party."

[Bent]

Hello, My name be Eboneesha Li Herenandez. I am a African
Hispanic Asiatic-American Girl who just got a award for
being the bess speler in class. I got 67% on the speling
test and 30 points being black, 5 points for not bringin
drugs into class, 5 points for not bringin guns into class,
and 5 points for not gettin pregnut during the cemester. It
be hard to beat a score of 120%. White dude who sit nex to
me is Jody McGee from Ocala . He got a 97% on the test but
no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as
the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to thank all
Dimocrafts and Liberuls for suportin Afermative action.
You be showin da way to true eqwallity.
I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor
when Barrac take over da healtcare in dis kuntry.

[Bent]

Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for

banning all guns in America. He is considered by those who have dealt

with him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.


At a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , he asked

the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to

slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in

total silence.


Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands

together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'


Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the

quiet and said: ''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!'