How to get through the day?

[KY-XJ]

I don't know what reactions I'll get here, but I need some advice on some things. To start my wife and son moved out yesterday and I am having a real hard time dealing with it. I want to state that we are not divorcing and that we are going to be together once some things get situated and I can move up to where she is. About a month ago it was going to be a divorce and I grew up, became a man, a husband and actually listened to my wife and revaluated things and to be the person she knew I could be. I knew for the past three weeks that she was moving and during those three weeks things were great. We got along better than we have in the past year and we both have faith that it is going to work out. I know we are going to be together, but this change of her and my son not being here is killing me. I will visit them any chance I get (3 hours away), but I still have to get through the days inbetween that. I am a FT student and work about 30 hours a week, but my problem is what do I do in the down time that I have? Yes, I'll get to talk to my wife every day, but not every free moment that I have. I have lost interest in my XJ and most everything else for that matter. All I want is to be with my family and I am mostly focusing on my inner demons and to be the best husband and father I can. I just trying to figure out how to cope with the down time I have. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[FELIX]

Wow!!! I really hope things work out for you. One thing I can say is keep yourself busy, w/ work, school & what ever else you can do. Get out of the house, even if it's to go walk around the mall or whatever, but don't sit @ home alone. It's when your alone & have nothing to do, is when the danger of dwelling on it set's in & will drive you mad. I've been in a simular situation many years ago. People can say this & people can say that & you'll still go back to how you wish it could be. It's great that you have good com w/ your familly, because w/out it is death. Try to stay focused on the reality of what has happened & what the 2 of you can do to try to mend the situation. Remember it takes 2 to make it work. You can drive yourself nuts by loving a wall all day but if there there is no return, there is no hope for that situation. Truely wish you the best.

Rob P

[8Mud]

I don't pretend to be the model husband. And I've often thought if the wife walked out, what my feelings would be. The thought of loosing my kids brings on a feeling of panic.
My only qualification for giving advice is I've been married for 28 years. I don't BS the wife, either she can handle the truth or she can't. I don't try to be what she wants me to be, I'm the guy she married, she knew what she was getting into and trying to change me into somebody else is doomed to failure.
I rarely play her game. If they can irritate you, they can control you.
I laid down a few ground rules, when we first got together, not many, but non negotiable. If she ever tried to use the kids as leverage, I was walking out and it's doubtful she would ever hear from me again. If she ever tried to use sex as leverage, that was the end of our sexual relationship.
I don't stray, don't drink, do my share and a little more.
If you want some good advice, I'd find some old Grandmother that has been married forever, that is gonna lay out the facts for you and not tell you what you want to hear.
Last piece of advice, a wife and her girlfriends (and or mother) are trouble by square of the number of females having input into the situation. two women twice as much trouble, 3 women 9 times as much trouble, 4 women 16 times as much trouble.
Last piece of advice, don't loose your sense of humor.
What is the extra skin around a vagina called? A woman.

[GI-John]

How old are you?
What school do you attend?
Where do you work?
Is the child yours?
How long have you been married?
Why are you airing your laundry on a public forum?

Considering that you say that you have "grown up" over the past few weeks, what makes you think that things will be hunky dory from this point forward?

The reason that you two are getting along is that you do not have the stress of "having" to be together.

You lost interest in your XJ.....ok, then sell it and use the money for your family's welfare.

Wanna know what to do with your spare time?

Lets see....

Work more hours= more money for family and school

Take more classes= more money for family and self

Now is not the time to say oh woe is me...man up and just do it.... if it is meant to be, then it will be, in the mean time worry about yourself and your child

[Geepfreak]

I've been divorced twice, so my idea's and opinions are a bit SKEWED.. :laugh3:

Good luck to you, and like the above post, keep busy, and remember things get better, even if it's not the way YOU want it to be.

[KY-XJ]

How old are you?
What school do you attend?
Where do you work?
Is the child yours?
How long have you been married?
Why are you airing your laundry on a public forum?

Considering that you say that you have "grown up" over the past few weeks, what makes you think that things will be hunky dory from this point forward?

The reason that you two are getting along is that you do not have the stress of "having" to be together.

You lost interest in your XJ.....ok, then sell it and use the money for your family's welfare.

Wanna know what to do with your spare time?

Lets see....

Work more hours= more money for family and school

Take more classes= more money for family and self

Now is not the time to say oh woe is me...man up and just do it.... if it is meant to be, then it will be, in the mean time worry about yourself and your child

I am 27 and have had one failed marriage
I go to a tech school studying commercial refrigeration
Right now I work at a grocery store
YES, the child is definately mine
Been together for 14 months and married for 11months
I was just wanting some unbiased advice and to help myself hash through things.

Three weeks before she left we are getting along great and it was because I actually listened to her problems, treated her as an equal, and changed my bad attitude. I am not changing for her, the things I am changing are what I want to and what I need to. This marriage had some of the same patterns as a previous marriage and I don't want this on to fail. That is why I am changing certain things about myself that I should have honestly do a long time ago. I now know what it takes for a marriage to work and I have done those things over the past three weeks and I have faith in myself that I will contine because I have a supportive, loving wife which helps alot. I know it will work, I have no doubts about it. I know it takes 2 to make things work and I know she has her faults, but the unhappyness over the last 10 months was mostly me and I can admit that, I can admit my mistakes. She is a great woman and mother and I am proud to have her as my wife. I don't want anyone else. I do plan to try and work more. I can't take anymore classes right now because it's the middle of the semester. Thanks for the advice that has been given.

[Geepfreak]

Been together for 14 months and married for 11months
WTF? you really knew each other.................

[KY-XJ]

No, we really didn't get to know each other before we got married. We didn't really date either during the three months prior to getting married. This time apart is going to give us time to "date" and find that closeness and intimacy again. I have learned more about her these past three weeks than any time during the marriage.

[Beej]

Sent you a PM.

[DrMoab]

I've been divorced twice, so my idea's and opinions are a bit SKEWED.. :laugh3:

Good luck to you, and like the above post, keep busy, and remember things get better, even if it's not the way YOU want it to be.
Most women want to marry men...not kids...:D

[Geepfreak]

Most women want to STUDS....:D


And that is why I am married again..:D. :laugh3:

[0313]

Sent you a PM.


He isnt selling her.

[westsacxj]

worry more bout yourself and your kid and less on you and your wife. youre kid will always be yours. if you and your wife are meant to be it will work out. things could be a hell of a lot worse. I have been through the same situation. i worry bout my daughter and myself now. i have a great girlfriend and am very happy now.

[nateo101]

What to do for the day.....
Go outside....do not sit at home and think about stuff search the net. Don't try and sleep to much....for some reason it always takes my energy down.

Go outside clean the yard, wash the XJ even if you lost interest....if ever I am down trying working on something that is hands on....once you are finished you feel as if you have accomplished something. If you don't have a yard or nothing to do....then put something together like a model car. Heck a buddy of mine but a couple of blocks of wood and used to make little images of cars and animals with a little widdling set. Hey a wood burning set is really cool.

I know some of that is corny, but its cheap little ways to kill time.

Make something for your little kids. I used to handwrite letters to people if I couldn't find anything to do. If you ever handwrite a letter to someone it really makes them feel special.

My advice is to find some sort of task or challenge that will give you some sort of accomplishment at the end of it. Then you will have killed some down time and you have feel halfway good about what you did.

Play any sports? Go workout in a gym.....

My overall 2 cents: get off the computer....get outside...and start working with your hands. It the cheapest and probably the best way to get your mind off something.

EDIT: seriously man good luck

[kawijames]

work on the jeep....only thing thats takes my mind of things....

[IntrepidXJ]

Been together for 14 months and married for 11months

wow....and i thought 9 years wasn't long enough before I got married this year

[xjaddiction]

Hope that you stick to your plan. Get through school, and move back to your family. Marriage takes work, and your just getting started. Now that you've made a decission to work things out, be there financially, and physically as much as you can. Your wife needs that, and your son definately needs that.

Free time, try reading the Bible from front to back (three chapters a day gets you through the Bible in 1 year). There are plenty of answers in there for you. Someone recently told me to do this, and I can't believe how facinating and releavent the stories are to my every day life.

READ, READ, READ...

[westsacxj]

excellent advise xjaddiction. thats aslo quite the member# you got there too.

[xjaddiction]

yea, you wouldn't expect that from someone with those numbers. Luck of the draw, they're just numbers...

[KY-XJ]

Thanks for all the advice and support. I was really down on Sunday because I didn't have to work and stayed inside all day. I was productive though. Straightened up the apartment, rearranged stuff and what not. I have been better with things today since I had class and then work. Each day will get better, I'm sure. I have a wonderful wife and I just realized that 3 weeks ago. Better late than never!!!

[TRNDRVR]

I just trying to figure out how to cope with the down time I have. Any advice is appreciated.Masturbate!!!

[KY-XJ]

Masturbate!!!

:laugh: