Dan, it sounds like my problem and very close to my mileage. The IAC moves in response to the engine computer. The IAC, spark, and injector pulse width are about the only controls, every other "sensor" provides data so the computer can decide how the engine should run.
The IAC is a stepper motor. Every time you deaccelerate/coast it becomes active, it is also active when you are sitting at a stop light in gear or idling in your driving way. That little plunger moves in and out all the time. They just become worn out over time. I am sure if you did an electrical measurement on the IAC it would test good since the coil had not shorted.
On my 88 XJ I changed EVERY sensor which has an influence on the engine computer. I even installed new injectors, a rebuilt computer, and a new coil module assy. The one part I over looked was the IAC. I had even changed the Throttle position sensor. So everything has been replaced in the past 3 years but the IAC.
My XJ would die, I gave up on what to do and had the dealer mechanic look at it. He applied a Tech service bulliten to modify the IAC so it would not shut off the air completely. That worked for a year then it would die when I was going down the road and had let off the gas. My XJ would flood and not restart, I had to use the old carb trick of pushing the throttle to the floor to clear the flood.
I know how un-nerving your problem is, makes you start doubting your XJ. Go install a new IAC, take it for a drive. You will be amazed how much better the vehicle idle is and the pesky dieing problem will be gone. When changing the IAC inspect the throttle body, see if there is much build up in the IAC cavity.